Learn from Others' Wedding Blunders

"Finding out ahead of time," is a wedding-planner's best strategy for averting wedding-day blunders. Following are wedding-day blunders from my daughters' weddings or from family and friends' weddings. Some were more serious than others, but all should be avoided.

CHECK ALL PRODUCTS BEFORE THE WEDDING AND SAVE RECEIPTS

Last Mother's Day my family combined a celebration for me and a time to make wedding-day favors for our daughter's upcoming wedding. We gathered around a table filled with tulle, ribbons, flowers, little white buckets, Wedding Memory Bubbles, and glue.

We decided to start by attaching ribbons to the bubble bottles. We had purchased the Wedding Memory bubbles at Dollar General store. They were shaped like three-tier wedding cakes and were packaged 4 for a $1. We thought they were cute and economical, so we bought from two-Dollar-General stores to get $40 worth.

The bride-to-be opened a package of the bubbles and unscrewed a top. She attempted to blow a few bubbles. Nothing happened. We opened a couple of other bottles and obtained the same result. Narrow wands and watered-down bubble solution guaranteed the Wedding Memory Bubbles would indeed provide a wedding memory, albeit a negative one.

How fortunate we were to find this out ahead of time and to avoid a wedding-day blunder. We could only find one of the receipts, so we took back what we could and threw away the rest. The bubbles were not a big loss, but they illustrate the importance of checking all products prior to the wedding day and of saving receipts.

LIVE THINGS OFTEN DIE!

The idea of "live special effects" at weddings held special appeal a few years ago. The many stories of "live special effects" gone wrong should make wedding planners run the other way!

Take butterflies, for example. The idea of releasing live butterflies as the bride and groom leave for their honeymoon sounds beautiful and romantic. The reality is often quite the opposite. Sometimes butterflies give up and die before they have a chance to fly! Dead butterflies, at the bride-and-groom send-off, equal bad omen and embarrassing moment.

Goldfish are just as unpredictable. A couple we know included live goldfish in each guest table arrangement. The lighted effect was dramatic, until guests noticed the warmed-up fish going belly-up. An experience like that is an excellent conversation starter for guests. It produces a good laugh all around, at the expense of the embarrassed hosts and the teary-eyed bride.

Live flowers can be tricky, as well. Some flowers stay fresh for days; others wither within hours. It is no fun to have flowers fade before the ceremony even begins. Check with your florist for beautiful, long-lasting flower recommendations. Say "NO" to all "wilting violets!"

CATERING IS UNPREDICTABLE

My husband and I have planned 3 weddings and have used a different caterer for every one. For each caterer, we obtained recommendations, met with them, and sampled the food. We asked for a price quote and chose the caterer we thought offered the best food for the dollar.

Our first two receptions were sit-down dinners. I liked paying by the plate and knowing that every person would get an equal amount of food. Things went well, for the most part, except one caterer served a pan of soured vegetables. Most people didn't get them, but I did, and I was horrified. At that point, nothing could be done except to replace the bad vegetables with better ones as quietly as possible. The only other recourse is to reduce the caterer's tip, if you feel the error warrants such an action.

Our third reception was an appetizer buffet. Having a buffet is tricky, because you have to guess how many people will actually show up, and guess how hungry they will be. We ordered several trays of crab and chicken tarts, spinach dip, biscuits, cold cuts, cheese straws, a fruit display, punch, and coffee enough for 150 people. About 100 people showed up, and they ate all the food. I am glad they liked it, but if we'd had the full 150 people we would have been short. No host wants the food to run out!

It is hard to gauge how much food to buy. When ordering tarts, for example, for 150 people, does that mean 150 tarts or does it mean enough tarts to keep 150 people fed? Drill the caterer with as many questions as you can think of; do not assume anything, and get it all in writing.

THE D.J. WILL MAKE OR BREAK THE RECEPTION

We hired a recommended disc jockey (D.J.) for our first daughter's wedding. He couldn't have been better. He was personable, fun, and obviously loved his job. He kept the reception moving, with great music and perfect timing, from start to finish. Everyone had a wonderful time.

Since he was so good, we wanted to hire him for our 2nd daughter's reception. We made an appointment to meet with him and discussed our needs. He was enthusiastic about doing this 2nd reception and reserved our date. As far as we knew, he was our man.

We were wrong. He didn't show up. Another DJ arrived late. He was an employee of the first D.J., who had branched out and formed a business. The original D.J. never told us about the business or that he would send someone else to work the reception.

The new D.J. acted totally bored and kind of angry. We wondered if he had been drinking. He made offensive remarks to our guests, such as "The bride can't wait to get out of here." He played loud, banging music, and made no effort to be an integral part of the reception. We couldn't have been more disappointed.

It takes months to plan a beautiful wedding and reception, but all that effort is jeopardized by one "wedding professional" who doesn't deliver. There's very little immediate recourse. A wedding is like live television. It has to be done right the first time. There are no second chances.

Be sure to know, as well as you can, the people you hire. Be sure the person you think is going to be there will be there. If you interview someone that you don't feel good about, by all means look elsewhere.

PROTECT YOUR IMAGE

Most brides and grooms hire a professional photographer to capture the special moments of the day. In addition, guests shoot pictures of their own. Here's the rub. Sometimes guest pictures are sent to relatives and friends before professional pictures are even back. Some of those pictures may be flattering and some may embarrass the very people being honored.

Wedding pictures are much too important to leave to chance. I recommend adding a line in the wedding program that spells out your wishes concerning pictures. Guests can be encouraged to take pictures, but kindly asked not to send photos by email to family and friends. The bride and groom and their families deserve the opportunity to choose and distribute wedding pictures that they find flattering and most reflective of their special day.

BE CLEAR ABOUT THE BUDGET

Communication and compromise are two critical elements of wedding planning. Be upfront, from the start, about budget limitations and about individual responsibilities. Do not feel pressured to do more than you can afford. Simple weddings with cake and coffee can be just as intimate as more elaborate ones.

We always used a spreadsheet to keep track of expenses and as a reminder of who is responsible for what. Having everything in writing avoids arguments and hurt feelings.

On the other hand, our weddings always cost more than planned! I think that comes with the territory. The budget does make clear what has been spent and it helps keep spending within reasonable limits.

In conclusion, it is the hurtful blunders we try to avoid, through careful planning, attention to detail, and learning from other's experiences. Sometimes blunders happen anyway, but fortunately they aren't usually bad enough to derail the day.

Little blunders are actually charming! A 2-year-old-flower girl, who decides to dump her petals rather than dropping them one at a time, is cute and endearing to guests. A nervous groom, who stumbles over the vows, is equally endearing. Those little blunders surpass the big ones, and make a wedding day personal and intimate--a day to savor, in memory, for years to come.