Learning to Assert Oneself Can Get You What You Want Out of Life

A skill that I think most people do not have, but could benefit from learning, is being assertive. The reason why I say that is because most people do not know how to communicate with others properly or positively. Most people are either aggressive or passive when communicating and finding that happy medium, which is by being assertive, tends to get you what you want out of life and often makes you feel good about yourself. Assertiveness is a positive way to communicate with others in a clear and direct way, by expressing your feelings, needs and thoughts.

Most people do not assert themselves for a number of reasons, which tends to lead toward aggressive or passive communication. Aggressiveness is a negative way to express your feelings, needs and thoughts because it is always at the expense of someone else. It can sometimes get you what you want in life, but it can mostly lead to conflict. Aggressiveness can be defensive, dominating, harmful, and also humiliating. Being aggressive shows that you are not caring about other people's feelings or rights and it is not a productive way to communicate.

Being passive is not a healthy way to communicate either because it decreases your chances of getting what you want and it enables people to take advantage of or to walk all over you. There is no guarantee that you will always get your way by being assertive, but the odds are more in your favor than by being passive and not asking for something or by expecting others to read your mind. I think by being passive, it gives people the assumption that you are submissive and pliable. I used to be a very passive person and thought it was a good way to show people how nice of a person I was, until I started realizing that people were taking advantage of me and I wasn't getting what I wanted, nor was I happy.

Learning to assert oneself can be the best thing anyone can do for themselves because aggressive or passive communication can have a negative effect on you and the people you are communicating with. One or both people could end up feeling guilty, have less self-confidence, have lower self esteem, or have less security in yourself or in relationships. Learning to assert oneself helps one to ask for what they want or to refuse a request that is being asked of them. By being assertive, I have learned that you can be in control of your life, and still be respected and liked. By expressing oneself honestly, but still being tactful in your choice of words, shows respect for the feelings of others.

I think assertiveness is a skill that can be learned and sustained through frequent practice. It also enhances more effective communication which is also an important skill I think everyone should know. I'd like to share some tips on asserting oneself because it is a difficult skill to attain, but once you learn it, your communication with other people will be much better and it is a skill that can be used quite often. I would suggest to practice being assertive with strangers first, like at the grocery store or the coffee shop. Practicing being assertive with people who you will probably never see again and with small issues will be a lot easier to start with than practicing with your best friend or husband.

When being assertive, it is ideal to have good eye contact with the person you are speaking with because it helps to get your point across. Use a broken record method by calmly repeating your feelings or needs without having to explain or defend yourself. Remember, you have the right to say no without having to offer a string of excuses. Make sure your body language agrees with what you are saying, for example: don't shake your head yes when you really mean no. When you need to get someone's attention to make a point, you can; lean forward towards them, touch the person gently, use their name, or slightly raise your voice, if you feel it is necessary.

I know for some people, being assertive may seem like basic knowledge, but for most people, it isn't a skill that comes naturally. To be able to communicate positively with someone where no one's feelings or rights have been violated is a great accomplishment because everyone gets what they want and no one gets hurt in the process.