Learning to Deal with the Death of a Loved One

When my mother passed away August 3rd, 2008, a part of me died with her. Not some small insignificant piece that would hardly be noticed, let alone missed, but a vital chunk that I was afraid couldn't or wouldn't ever be replaced.

Now almost three months later I've been through most actually all of the stages of grief. It took about a day to get over the denial. I've never been one to lie to myself so I couldn't keep telling myself it was a dream when I knew it wasn't. The anger lasted much longer. I wasn't so much angry that my mother was taken from me. I was angry about the things that I would not be able to do with her anymore; I was angry at family members that should have been there. I was a bomb and I wasn't quite sure why if I would get myself under control or if I would explode.

I guess I didn't really go through the bargaining phase. I knew that my mom was in pain so I was that she was no longer suffering. The ones that hurt are the ones left behind. I did beg who ever to put out there bigger than my existence to please make it hurt less. I guess they were just too busy listen.

The depression phase for me is one that I am not sure I will ever get through. I've accepted my mother's death, which should be the final stage, but the depression lingers. Every time I think of my mother I miss her and a cloud of misery envelopes me. I don't want this to continue, I want to think of my mother and smile. I want to be happy and content in the time I had with her. I am sure this will happen with time.

There are a few things I did to try to lessen the pain. I started a journal. I made a "Bucket list". I got started on the things I thought my mom would be most proud of. I framed pictures of my mom, and hung them where I can see them whenever I need to.

I am so lucky I have supportive family. My dad has tried to fill the space my mom left. My husband has been there to help pick up the pieces. It also has helped me to have other people I need to take care of or worry about. I have day to day responsibilities with my children. I have my grandmother that I need to worry about. Caring for others helps me deal with the grief I feel almost every day.

I will miss my mother, but I also know that time heals all wounds. The pain has started to ease, at least to a dull throb, rather than a debilitating, breath stealing pain. Working through my grief has been a difficult process that I had no idea how to accomplish. Nature takes care of what you have no clue how to deal with.