Learning to Love Yourself Again when a Relationship Ends

Very often women devote so much of their time and energy into making a relationship work that they forget about taking care of themselves. They place their entire focus on the person they are with. This seems to work out fine unless the relationship ends. Then what? You are stuck with yourself, and chances are you have grown totally disconnected from the person you used to be.

Sandi and Mark were married for 12 years before Mark decided to call it quits. Sandi woke up one morning in their beautiful home, made breakfast, and packed his lunch for work only to find him coming down the stairs with his bags packed. Mark told her that he was unhappy and that he was leaving her. Not only was Sandi devastated, she blamed herself. She must not have been pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough. She should have tried harder to make him happy. She considered herself a total failure.

What Sandi failed to realize is the fact that she was never responsible for Mark's happiness. She could have been the most perfect wife in the world, and Mark still would have found a reason to leave. The problem was within Mark, and chances are his next relationship will fail also until he resolves that problem.

If you find yourself full of guilt, blame, and self-loathing after the end of your relationship, here are some tips to get you back on the track to loving yourself again:

-Find something you are good at and spend time doing it. If you are good at gardening, take some time to focus on that. If you enjoy volunteering, take the time to find a cause worthy of your attention. If you are good at cooking, take a gourmet cooking class.

-Exercise. Not only is exercise good for your body, it is also good for your emotional and mental health. Those good endorphins will run through you and lift your spirits. It will also make you feel better about yourself just knowing that you are doing something positive for yourself.

-Hang out with friends. Chances are you may not have a lot of friends if you have been devoting all of your time to your relationship. If not, go out and make some friends. Join a book club. Join the Y. Find some people with common interests and don't be afraid to invite them into your life. A support system of friends can be one of life's richest blessings.

-Take care of yourself. Very often feelings of self-loathing can result in a lack of self-care. Force yourself to do things even if you don't feel like it. Take a shower every day. Put on make-up every day. Do your nails. Fix your hair. Look in the mirror and smile. Tell yourself how beautiful and special you are.

Learning to love yourself again is not always easy, but it can be done. Time truly does heal most wounds. Be gentle with yourself. Stop blaming yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Be the best that you can be. Know that you are loveable.