Leave the Clown Alone

Ronald McDonald is coming under attack because obviously he's been peddling junk food to kids. I haven't seen those charges yet. But, the video should hit the net soon.

It's terrible to think that McDonald with his flaming hair and battery operated jump suit would be standing in an alley selling Big Macs and Quarter Pounders to the kids who need their fix. Getting them addicted to McDonald's at such an early age is a crime that is devastating our youth and destroying their lives. A close friend of mine was in an out of rehab for most of his life to get clean from his addiction to Mickey Dee's.

Criminal charges for being a food dealer have not been finalized. The judge has yet to sign off on the arrest warrant. But with those kinds of allegations, it is serious. It is something to be taken very seriously. So, all I can say to our youth is the same thing we've been telling them for years. Just Say No!

If you see McDonald coming, walk the other way. If you pass him in a back alley behind a McDonald's, just keep on passing. Don't engage in conversation. Don't even look his way! He will bring you down with him, man. That's what he does.

But to be totally honest, it actually falls into the hands of the parents. We should sit our children down and teach them the dangers of being addicted to Breakfast Burritos and Sweet Tea. Every morning, before they leave the house to walk into the real world all alone, hand them a condom, give them money for pot and make sure, by all means, that you educate them on the evils of the yellow arches.

Hamburger University offers college credits that can be transferred to such colleges as Strayer University, DeVry and even Penn State. But, we all know that it's the training ground for McDonald's peddlers to learn how to hustle Angus burgers. Ronald McDonald House Charities is a program put in place so that families can be united and be given a place to stay, a home away from home, when a child is getting treatment for a serious illness. But, that's just a front where McDonald houses his gang consisting of such ruthless hustlers as the Hamburgler, Captain Crook, and Grimace. They've been hustling McDonald's since 1955. They've had 100 million addicts since 1958.

I have a confession to make. This is tough for me to do. So, bear with me. Okay, here it goes. Hi! My name is Mike. I'm an addict. I have been slamming Big Macs all my life. I've done things I'm not proud of just so that I could have the money for my next Big Mac. I stole from my own mother. I pawned her bell bottoms for a small fry, a small fry.

I actually had my first Big Mac when I was five years old. I know you're wondering how I could have been introduced at such an early age. But, my parents were both social eaters. They only did Mickey Dee's on occasion. So, they didn't know that what they were introducing to their son could lead to a major addiction problem later in life.

Oh, I've done it all though. I started with Big Macs, but soon I was on Quarter Pounders. Sometimes, I would get a quick cheeseburger fix. Then, the whole McChicken sandwich line took me over the edge. I craved McDonald's every day.

It's like they have scientists in sandwich labs cooking up new foods to peddle on the streets. I don't know why my parents didn't sit me down a long time ago and have a conversation with me about my Mickey Dee's addiction. But, I eventually fought the disease on my own.

I went through detox at Burger King. They nursed me back to health with a regular dosage of the Whopper with Cheese. I went through the sweats. But after a few days, I was clean. Since then, I've been telling everyone about my battle with McDonald's.

It's hard to see it coming when it starts off so innocently. But, McDonald's can be peddled in all shapes and sizes. Depending on where you are or who you are talking to, it's called chicken nuggets, chocolate shake, sausage egg and cheese biscuit, McRib, double cheeseburger, Filet-o-Fish, mocha latte and even apple pie. It's so addictive that addicts will punch out McDonald's peddlers at four o'clock in the morning if they don't have any nuggets.

It's an epidemic. It's too huge for the parents to handle. It's so out of control, that we can't expect parents to keep their kids away from McDonald's. Not even just for a social occasion. We can't be trusted to handle our Mickey Dee's Jones on our own.

We have to get rid of the clown. The dealer must go down. If we don't take McDonald out, we will have fat kids growing up all over the world because the playground isn't the answer. It's only a quick fix when we need a permanent solution. It's just like taking one addiction and replacing it with another.

If we push our kids onto the playground, they just might enjoy it! We all know that our kids are easily afflicted. We won't be able to get them off of the playground long enough to talk on the phone with their friends, find free porn on the internet or even play video games. Then, what kind of world will that be?

We have to rush the McDonald House and take down the clown. It's the only way to save the world. He peddles veggie burgers in India for crying out loud! He must be stopped.