Left at the Altar: How to Cope

The church is full. All the guests have arrived and are seated. You stand next to your father, your heart beating so hard you think it may explode. The music is playing softly, a muted melody you don't recognize. The organist is waiting for the signal to begin the traditional wedding march. You glance around at your Maid of Honor and your bridesmaids. They all look so beautiful. From inside the church's chapel, you can hear soft murmurings as everyone waits expectantly.

But, the groom is late. Suddenly, the door opens. Everyone in the wedding party turns to the door, relief on their faces. However, it's not the groom. It's the best man, with a piece of paper in his hand. He flinches as he hands the paper to you. No one speaks as you stare at him before opening the note.

In your heart, you knew. When he was late getting to the church, you knew. But you kept making excuses. "He's probably stuck in traffic." "His car won't start." Anything to keep from admitting that the worst thing that could possibly happen to a woman on her wedding day was happening to you. You've been jilted. You've been left at the altar.

The words swim on the paper as your eyes fill with tears. You can't even read it all. The first line is enough. "I'm so sorry, but I just can't go through with this wedding." There's more, but the note falls from your loose fingers. You look up at your dad and whisper, "Get me out of here, Daddy!" And he does, out to the limo. The limo with the "Just Married" sign on it. He puts you and your mom in it and sends you home after he jerks the sign off the back.

Just like that, the beautifully planned wedding is over. All the time, money and energy spent preparing for it is wasted. Your Dad is left with the chore of telling the church full of friends and family that the wedding is cancelled. No explanation is given, but everyone will know soon enough.

So how do you cope with the earthquake you just experienced and the aftershocks? For that's what it feels like. Your heart feels as if it's been split apart. And the least little thing sets off new tremors.

For starters, it's your right to demand an explanation from....him. You have every right to ask why. If he was having second thoughts, why didn't he bring them up sooner? Surely, he could have given you more notice. Just one thing, though, you do need to give yourself some time to calm down. Screaming at him or crying so hard you can't speak won't help.

Remember too, you have absolutely no reason to feel ashamed. Hold your head up high when you venture out. If you don't or can't talk about it to people, just tell them so. But don't hide. He's the one who should feel ashamed. Let him be the one to explain to people. If he was going to change his mind about the marriage, he should have done it earlier. The altar is not the place to change one's mind.

It may be hard to believe it, but time does heal all things. Go ahead and cope with the issues of returning gifts as soon as you possibly can. The sooner you put everything related to the wedding behind you, the sooner the healing can begin. They say all things happen for a reason. He may very well have been all wrong for you. And the perfect guy may be just around the corner. So look forward, not backward.