Legislative Day for Students

Alabama just had its student legislature day where students sit in the legislature and see how the legislature works. Okay - I know that "legislature and work" is an oxymoron. And I know that going to the legislature as a student to learn politics is like going to Disneyland to learn how the real world works

I suggest we could educate the students further by introducing a few concepts that they don't teach on legislature day:

Lobbying 101: You get elected because you have money to run a campaign. Campaigns are very expensive and can cost millions of dollars. Bubba down the street cannot afford to give you a million dollars, but that nice man from the banking Industry can. He will even give you a free trip to Jamaica during the winter . Whoops, this is not a free trip, it is a fact finding tour. There are consequences to the nice banker giving you money. When the banker is going bankrupt because your friend Bubba is not paying his mortgage, you cannot pass a bill to keep Bubba's house. Remember Bubba gave you ZERO money to run your campaign and Mr, Nice Banker gave you lots and lots of money. So you have to pass a bill giving Mr. Nice Banker millions of dollars to help him keep his job and bank. This is called bail-out money. Bubba will not get millions of dollars. Bubba will get an extra six months of unemployment and will be so grateful that he will even reelect you. Okay, Bubba is not the brightest bulb on the porch, the sharpest tool in the shed, the Ace in the deck of cards. He is more like the Joker with bad teeth and a smeared tattoo. But his vote counts !

Press Conferences: Never say anything specific. That is all you need to know. You can say - We are working to improve Alabama's Education System, but don't say HOW. Also no one really listens closely to what you say and this is the beauty of politics. You can actually say " We are working to reduce the budget deficit BY CUTTING TAXES and giving more money to education,to job programs and to my hot mistress" and no one will hear anything beyond the magic phrase " cutting taxes."

Blame Others: You will be caught doing something immoral. Let's say you have a girlfriend, even though you are married and you have a baby with the girlfriend. This sounds awful, but is not. It was not your fault. Simply blame alcohol and drugs and go into rehab for a few months, come back and promise , now that you have found GOD, to CUT TAXES and rage against gay marriage. This seems to work every time. Your voters won't care as they are more concerned with who will win American Idol than the fact that CUTTING TAXES while spending more money is about as logical as banning swizzle sticks to stop alcoholism.