Lessening the Severity of an Argument

This is for all the guys out there, I've made a list of things you should do when in an argument with your girlfriend. If you follow them carefully, your argument time should be cut in half, if not cut completely!

1) Give her your full attention. Is she trying to talk to you? Don't try to multi-task-you may think that you can watch your football game, check your email and listen to her all at the same time, but it doesn't matter whether or not you can or can't-it's downright rude, and would you really appreciate it if you were trying to tell your girlfriend something, and she was shopping on the internet and texting her girlfriends at the same time? I doubt it.

2) Don't walk away-unless you're so violently angry that you're afraid of doing something you'll regret, don't leave in the middle of an argument. It only creates more hard feelings, and lengthens the argument time. From what could have been a 30 minute argument turns into a 2-3 day argument, and by the end, you usually don't even remember what you were arguing about.

3) Speak your mind-is something bothering you? Don't sulk around, or be silent and try to avoid the topic. And don't wait for her to coax and plead it out of you either. Doesn't it drive you crazy when you repeatedly ask her what's wrong, and she says nothing is, but you know she's lying? Just simply be straight up with your girl and tell her what's bothering you. That's the only way you're going to tackle the problem, and you're going to feel better because you got it off your chest, and then she can decide if she wants to try and make the situation better for you.

4) Put yourself in her place-you get upset that she had lunch with her ex last week, but wait, didn't you grab a margarita with your ex fling? You need to stop and think about what you're doing before you reprimand her for her actions. A relationship is equal, so if you don't want her to do certain things, then you shouldn't be allowed to do them either. But if you want to do certain actions, then just realize, she's going to do them too, and if you're okay with that, then fine, but if not, you're going to have to change your behavior as well.

5) Don't aim for revenge-some guys are non-confrontational, and instead, when their girl does something that they don't appreciate, instead of telling her that it bothered them and clearing up the problem from the beginning, they choose to go out and do the same thing, not even because they really wanted to, but just to spite her. For instance, say your girlfriend allowed a guy to give her his number at a club but she had no intention of calling him anyway, don't turn around and give your number to a girl because you want to "get back" at your girlfriend. It's only going to worsen the situation, and then your girlfriend may go ahead and do something to get back at you...and where will it stop? It's immature on both your parts.

6) Be fair-if you get mad at your girlfriend when she doesn't tell you where she's going, you need to stop and think...do you tell her where you're going? If the answer is no, then you need to chill out! You may think that you're a guy and you're the dominant sex and that you have more reason to worry about your girlfriend than she does you, but all she's thinking in her mind is the fairness of the situation and the equality.

7) I think couples should have a sit down talk where they discuss their needs, wants and feelings. It doesn't have to be nearly as emotional as it sounds. They should just explain their expectations of one another (eg. I expect you to be faithful to me at all times, I expect you to not get completely drunk at a party, especially when you're around members of the opposite sex), what makes them comfortable and what doesn't (eg. I don't like it when you hang out at the house of someone you hooked up with, but I am okay with you hanging out with your ex at a reasonable time of day), as well as what they consider to be shared and personal (eg. I consider my cell phone to be my private property and would prefer it if you asked me before looking through it, etcr). This establishes a set of guidelines and creates a clearer understanding for both partners.

8) Space can be good-if you find that you are arguing a lot and nit-picking each other, maybe you should take a day or two away from each other...not "time off", mind you, and I'm not talking about dating other people or keeping options open (unless you decide thats what you want), but don't hang out for a day or two. You both have other friends. Give each other space,and hopefully you'll miss each other by the end of it.

9) Whatever you do, don't go without talking, especially when you're in the middle of an argument. Don't do the whole "I'm too proud to call her, it's her fault" type of thing. Just freaking call her! or if you don't want to call her, send her an email, text message, whatever. Because , regardless of whose fault it was, all your girlfriend can think of is that you don't care enough about her to get in touch with her, because if you really cared about her, you would try to fix the situation, especially if you are really in love with her.

10) Don't say things you dont mean. I know its hard, especially when you're angry or super pissed off, but you should refrain from insults, demeaning remarks, and the typical phrases such as "We're done" or whatever. If you didnt mean it, don't say it! Believe it or not, people hold on to these things, and they can hurt.

11) Always be honest, even if you think it's going to make her upset. Because what's way worse than the truth is finding out the truth...later on. And even worse than that? Finding the truth out, through someone else. It makes your girl feel like you're hiding things from her, and that can lead to mistrust in the relationship. It doesn't matter how trivial something is, or how trivial YOU think it is, you should just tell your girlfriend from the very beginning. She'll appreciate it and it won't be as big of a deal as you think. And if she still throws a hissy fit after you tell her and reassure her, then she's being immature. It's got to go both ways.

12) It never hurts to remind her how much you care about her, even when you're mad. Like, you can say "I'm really pissed off at you right now. I still love you, and I still care about you, but I don't see why you have to act so immature at times like this." That way, she doesn't feel like she's being completely put down, and people are able to see and act more rationally when they're not angry. By reminding her how much you care about her, she will feel silly and chances are, she'll want the argument to end as much as you do.