Lessons on Giving

At some point in our lives more often than not we meet people who are in need of something, whether it be food, money, clothes, or emotional support. The needy people may be a friend, family, or a total stranger. When helping a needed person you must keep in mind not to offer your help in a way that would insult or condescend him or her. Being on the receiving end in not easy. People in need often experience the feeling of inadequacy and helplessness because they are unable to provide for themselves and their families. Being forced to ask for help is embarrassing for them. Any insulting attitude expressed from the giver of help can make the person in need feel worse about themselves and be reluctant about asking for help.

Always Asks First
When you see that a person is in need of something, such as food, clothes, or furniture, do not just show up at their door step with the things and insist on them taking the things without their consideration. You may not know their situation and condition. For instance once when I was a child my family and I had moved to another town. We did not have much, only a few boxes of personal items. When we moved into our apartment we did not have any furniture. We had to sleep on foam pads on the floor. Eventually, in spite of our very modest income Mother bought three twin mattresses from Sears, three plastic lawn chairs, and a card table.

One day unannounced some people from the church came by our apartment. They brought with them a sofa and four big boxes of hand-me-down clothes.

"We saw you needed some furniture. So we brought you a sofa." said the man.

"Here are some clothes for you and your children," a woman told Mother. "Go through them and see what you can use. Just give away what you don't want."
That was that.

We had to carry the sofa out to the dumpster. Its back broke, and it had fleas. We could not use any of the clothes. The children's clothes were all boys clothes, and they were too small for my brother. The women's clothes were all the wrong size for my mother. No one we knew wanted any of the old clothes. So we had to throw them away too. Mother was very annoyed, and we stopped attending the church the junk came from.

It would have been proper to call and ask first did we want the sofa and clothes and tell us the type and condition of the things so we could have decided whether we would be able to use them.

Don't Give Junk. Give Nice Things.
Often times when people hear of someone in need of clothes or food they think they have the perfect opportunity to clean out their garages, attics, and closets. Give things that are new, in good condition.

When growing up as a child. My mother, brother and I have received so much junk and stale old food from church charity groups and non church charity groups, friends, and relatives. People brought us stuff without taking the time to clean it. We had boxes of old clothes, old toys my brother and I did not want, a broken refrigerator, broken blenders, toasters, and a microwave, broken vacuum cleaner, and a blown out television. We had so much junk we could not use. We got to the point where we stop going to charities for help. Whenever people offered to give us something, Mother refused them. Even during Thanksgiving and Christmas, when people like to give to the poor, when someone from the church offered to bring us food and presents, Mother told them no thank you.

Then one December we received a telephone call from a church parishioner of the church where my mother worked. The woman wanted permission to buy gifts and food for us for Christmas. Mother told her no and explained plainly that we stopped accepting gifts from people because they always unloaded their junk on us. The woman explained that was not her intention. She explained that she wanted my brother and me to write out a Christmas wish list. She also wanted she the clothes and shoe sizes of my brother and me, and she wanted to take us all grocery shopping.

The woman took us shopping at a new grocery store that had recently opened in town. She shopped with us because she said she did not want us to be modest, but she did not put on an I'm-helping-these-poor-people show. She was very nice and a lot of fun. The presents she bought for us were nice and were things we actually wanted and needed. She even got a brand new coat for mother, something she did not ask for but really needed. That was the first time someone gave to us without emptying their junk yard on us. We really appreciated the woman's respect she showed to us.

Churches
Sometimes getting help from churches can be scary. My family and I and many people that we have known have had uncomfortable experiences with church based charities. The people running the church charities can be ruder than the social worker at the welfare office. We have had experiences where when we went to churches to ask for help with rent, a utility bill, or money for bus fare, we were given the third degree about our Christian faith and church attendance.

"The reason why you're poor is because you're out of fellowship with God," one woman from a church ministry for supporting women and children told us. "You need to increase your faith in God."

Then at one time my mother went to speak to a well known minister in town. He could recite a Bible verse for any situation a person may be in. He also was know for organizing church based programs for assisting the poor in finding jobs and getting job training. When Mother met with the preacher he told her he wanted to go to the prayer room to pray. When we got to the prayer room the preacher tried to grab at mother to hug and kiss her. Mother pushed the preacher down and grabbed the money out of his hand he said he would give her. Mother, my brother, and I ran out of the prayer room leaving the preacher behind on the floor.

Instead of looking down on needed people and trying to take advantage of them, churches should run their charities according to Christian principals. They should help and give with a loving kind spirit. The preacher should not be allowed to have control over the church programs, nor should they have the authority to make the decision on who gets help and who does not get help.

When helping people in need it is important to treat them with respect. Just keep in mind that nothing about your life is certain. You can one day through unfortunate circumstances be a needed person too.