Lessons to Learn in Love: Part 13

In this day in time it seems that single people are lonely people. Think about this... remember when you were married (or just with someone), didn't you sort of feel lonely even then. I mean if you felt that you had a great companion and relationship, you should still be together. I know that is not always the case, but some of us were even lonely when we were married to our ex spouse. Communication is so vital, but that is an entirely different subject. I just want to talk about overcoming loneliness and self empowerment.

Remember the mistakes that you made in your marriage. We all have them and if we think we didn't, we really need to reevaluate ourselves. Ask yourself some questions: What did I do to make my ex angry, mad, hurt, etc? Focus on that and change that aspect of your life. Did you have a bad attitude, anger problems? Now would you want to have another relationship and bring these same problems into it? Do you think it would last? This is why we need to take the focus off of finding someone and put the focus on making our self the best potential husband or wife ever. Surely we wouldn't want to make the same mistakes in a new relationship.

Personally I have been single for almost three years. I have had a lot of time to make Katy a better person and I have been really working on it. I have found that surrounding myself with positive people is very important. Negative and critical people will drain life out of you. I know all too well. Not because my ex did that to me but because I was a very negative person at one time. This is something that I have overcome and regardless of what others say or do to try and bring me down, they can't take my joy. Surround yourself with positive and enthusiastic people who will lift you up but will always let you know when you slip. A true friend looks out for you in the bad, good and ugly.

Self empowerment is vital. This is like taking vitamins for the mind and your emotions. Boost your self esteem and learn, learn, learn! Take the time to read books and follow the advice of others. I love to read books about relationships. In fact I write interviews for authors of books about relationships. Reading is great. It keeps you smart and offers different perspectives on many subjects. It's amazing what we can learn from others. I am talking about non-fiction books and not romance novels. This is not a fairytale world, as much as we would love for it to be.

The main thing is cure for loneliness. All of us singles can vouch on this. It is hard to be lonely. I use these bouts of time to my advantage with praying. Jesus is always there to wrap His arms around me when I am lonely. One day my daughter was crying and she said "I just want a daddy". This broke my heart. She wants "any" Daddy; just a man in her life. (Her Dad has nothing to do with her whatsoever). I told her that I understood and said "you know Jesus will hold you just like a Daddy, He does Momma that way all the time. Sometimes when I am lonely I just ask Him to wrap His arms around me and hold me. All of a sudden I can feel Him close and this feeling of comfort and warmth surrounds me." I even lie in bed and hold my Bible. Sounds crazy to some but it works for me. I have found nothing better to cure loneliness. We should also go and hang out with friends and do a lot of fun things with our kids.

It is very important to remain chaste but don't be clammed up. I know myself well enough to say that I am extremely out-going and extremely loving. I may come across as flirty, but I am not. I am just a loving person. Be careful who you confide in. Just because you are not in any close relationship doesn't mean you still cannot be hurt. I can personally get hurt easily by just being ignored. I have learned to let it roll off because Jesus won't ignore me. He also sees my heart and knows my intentions.

Being ignored is like being rejected and being rejected sucks. Still trying to figure out when I straight up ask someone a question and they ignore it, why? Anyway, maybe it's me so now I have to evaluate myself. Part of self evaluation includes putting myself in the other person's shoes. You will gain completely different perspective. I do come off persistent but that is my personality. I despise complacency. Anyway, be out going and work on your weaknesses in the social field. This will help.