Lessons Learned: My Teen Daughter's Drug Arrest

I never believed in alien abduction until my daughter turned 13. Regan went to bed one night my sweet little Princess - full of life, full of laughter, full of hope. She woke up the next morning full of...well...none of the above. Her broody middle school years led to broodier high school years with me wondering where in the world I went wrong and why you can quit any job with a two week notice - except motherhood.

I was lucky. My husband had a good job, and we could make ends meet without my income. We decided that I should stay home with the kids. After all, a steady parent in the home at all times was exactly what a child needed, right?

My happy little world came crashing down around me one morning during the second semester of Regan's freshman year. After I loaded the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher and as I was finishing up mopping the kitchen floor in my picturesque, Norman Rockwell-like home, the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and realized it was from the school system. I didn't know if it was from the elementary school or the high school, but I had a sense of panic. It was too late to be getting a call for me to substitute teach (my "bored housewife needing shoe and purse money" job). I knew something was up with one of the kids. Maybe I forgot to write my driver's license number on Regan's lunch check. Maybe my youngest daughter threw up on the playground. Oh no! Maybe my son broke his arm falling off the slide! Nothing could have prepared me for what came next.

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Lipson?"

"Yes."

"Hi. This is Mr. Barnes, the vice principal from the high school."

Whew! Mr. Barnes was a happy-go-lucky, fun guy who would never dream of giving bad news to a parent. He had a reputation as a "good guy" to maintain, after all.

"You need to come to the school right away."

"Is everything OK"

"We have a situation with Regan."

"What's going on?"

" Well, we had reason to perform a search on her. And...well...the counselor found a pill in her pocket. Mrs. Lipson, it's a Lortab. You need to get down here right away. She will be arrested shortly."

I looked at the phone in my hand and stared at the numbers. Then, I calmly placed it back on the charger. I grabbed my car keys, my cell phone, and my purse. I drove to the high school on automatic pilot. I found the closest parking space available, and I ran to the school door. I was escorted to the principal's office by the traitor Mr. Barnes.

There she sat. My Regan...or was she my Regan? Who was this teary-eyed kid? What was going on? Was she upset over what must be a horrible misunderstanding? She looked at me and started sobbing. Moms know that sobbing sound well. It was the sound of despair in her cry. It was the same sound she made when she was crying over a horrible nightmare. Or when she was homesick and wanted to come home from a friend's house in the middle of the night. Or when her sweet little guinea pig finally passed away after a long four year life.

Or when she was being led away in handcuffs.

I had always been able to make things better for her. I had always been able to kiss her scraped knee, put a bandage on her, and make it all better. I couldn't do anything for her now. Worse - I couldn't do anything for me now. The last thing I wanted was to break down in front of her, but I couldn't help it. Mr. Barnes gave me a hug. He told me to go home and wait from the call from juvenile hall. They would release her to me sometime this afternoon. Oh joy. Hurry up and wait.

I don't remember what I did next. I know I went home, and I know I called my husband. Beyond that, my memory isn't even fuzzy. It simply isn't there. I blocked it out. The next thing I remember is arriving at the juvenile hall and talking to the police officer. He assured me that her drug test was negative. Regan had told the police officer that she had been holding onto the Lortab for a friend. Michael, her friend from history class, was afraid he'd be grounded if his mother found the Lortab on him. He told Regan that if she cared about him, she'd help him out. The police officer said that he believed Regan and that I should, too. The police officer said that he was more concerned about the complete trust Regan had toward her friends at the expense of herself. Regan was a fierce and loyal friend and could not believe that anyone, especially a "friend," would put her in a bad situation.

It was one day. It was the darkest day of my life. Looking back, I'm glad that was my darkest day. Some mothers have to drive a child to rehab. Some mothers have to visit a child in jail. And some mothers have to bury a child. I'm one of the lucky ones.

My story could have turned out so much worse. She could have popped that pill in her mouth, so no one would find it. But she didn't. Why? She told me that she wasn't sure what it was, and she'd rather face her punishment than do something stupid. I'm proud of her for that.

Regan is a senior this year. That very difficult day and the long legal road back taught us both so much. It taught me that no matter what words of encouragement and support her dad and I give her to build her up and give her strength, there are friends tearing her down and making her feel like she is indebted to them. It scares me to think what could have happened if her dad and I had never encouraged her and supported her - if she never had the positive things we told her to counter all the negative of all her "friends." I know that we have to be her cheerleaders.

Regan is still a fierce and loyal friend, but she has learned that being peers doesn't automatically make you friends. She is choosy about her friends now. She now has friends who will be there for her and never ask her to do anything dangerous. And she knows that they aren't true friends if they do.

Regan and I also grew closer after that day. She talks to me about everything now. She trusts me to keep her confidence. She knows I'm a mom and not a friend, but that's what she needs. She has plenty of friends. I'm sure going to miss her when she goes to college. But I'm very proud of the young lady she has become. One child down...two to go!