Lessons From Mom: The Value of Spanking Children
I have a friend whose children are literally horrible in public. At home they behave. I asked her once because I was embarrassed for her when her five year old son was yelling and running up and down the halls at the hospital visiting area. Why do you let him do that? She replied that he knew that she would not spank him in public so therefore it was a free for all without punishment until they returned home. I swore to never allow my children to behave in such a manner, spanking controversy or not. That apparently was easy to say, I only had one sweet tempered mild mannered child. My second and third children are stubborn, and hard headed, and boisterous. They also like to push buttons and have selective hearing.
I prefer to use positive reinforcement whenever possible. I do believe it is helpful for a child's self esteem to hear praise and be rewarded emotionally for a job well done. The problem that I have is in the negative behavior and how to stop it. I believe spanking is a punishment to be used sparingly. I prefer time out, scolding or grounding when it is appropriate. However, when those methods seem to not be working, I do swat on the butt. I think that some parents over spank, not only in frequency, but, also in severity. I don't believe hurting or abusing a child is ever o.k. and some people don't see the difference between teaching a lesson, and punishing out of anger.
There are times however, when I think spanking is the most effective punishment. For example, when I was three years old, my mother saw me dart across the street and almost get hit by a car. She spanked me and it made an impression. She told me after I'd been spanked, that she was scared for my life and that she wanted me to never forget that I am not allowed to run into the street. That is sort of a gauge I now use for myself when determining punishment. Is their behavior life threatening? Can a simple scolding or time out teach them their lesson? Time outs are great, but, they seem to me more for small crimes, such as not sharing or hitting. This is the type of punishment that you will have to continually repeat and repeat again in order to teach a lesson. For something like running in front of a car, it is not an option to use a punishment that requires long term behavior modification. You need to make a sudden impression, so they remember immediately and for a long time.
After spanking, when they've calmed down, I think it's appropriate to discuss with them why you spanked them. I always remind my children how much I love them (all day every day). I am especially careful to make sure they know that I still love them during and after their punishment.
This is how my mother raised me, and I think that she did OK. I hope I do half as good a job as my mother did and my kids might turn out all right!
Published by K.L.Geary
I am born and raised in a small oregon town. I have 3 kids and am currently a first year college student, pursuing a nursing degree. View profile
- A Letter to Mom and Dad
- Meet Your Nine Basic Needs (and Be a Better Mom)
- Raising Children: Lead by Example
- Piano Lessons: Determining the Perfect Age for Your Child to Begin
- How to Tell What Kind of Educational Experience Your Child is Really Having at School
- Should Spanking Children Become Illegal?
- Child Abuse: Analyzing a Problem in Our Society
10 Comments
Post a CommentCee of Nola - So... almost getting bitten wasn't frightening enough to stop her doing it again? And running into the road? Where were YOU in this ?? If she was a toddler she was YOUR responsibility, just as my toddlers were. If she was a lot older - then all you have to do is to tell the child that they are NOT allowed out without a parent until the parent believes that they have learned how to behave around roads... No hitting necessary.
As an abused wife [first marriage] I know that I CAN correlate spanking and that! I know that BOTH were an abuse. Children do not have the ability to leave you the parent who is hitting them either. As a child I prayed that I could find a way to leave.
My children weren't spanked and are now fine adults too - so hitting isn't necessary or useful.
I take great offence at anyone who thinks spanking/hitting children is 'ok', is a good thing to do and is 'discipline'. I cannot understand when the best part
Mrs. Rose. I happen to agree with Mrs. Geary in her explaination of the use of spanking. I was raised with spanking, as were my children. My daughter thinks back to the times she received a spanking (almost getting bitten trying to touch a strange animal through a fence, running into the street of an on coming bus; their were a few others), they reminded her of the consequences and she never did them again. She's now a student in college and is very successful. She contributes her success to the commitment and LOVE I have for her, especially when it came to correction. Spanking isn't bad when it's done in moderation.
Please, don't compare the correction of a child by a parent to the acts of violent men and women. Wife/husband abuse, and especially slavery, are never to be compared with child abuse. Wifes and husbands have a choice of staying or leaving their abuser, children and slaves didn't. I take great offence to your comment!!! GOD bless you!
Juniper - I believe you are right. There is NEVER a right time or PROPER way to hit a child and spanking IS hitting. It's a euphemism for abuse of a young one.
I am a 56 yr old grandmother who was spanked and it was the end of my world. They were supposed to love me. To protect me, not HIT me.
Hitting an adult or animal is illegal - and hitting a small defenceless child should be too!
Wife beating and slavery have been banned and so should spanking.
What sense does it make to hit a child, so that it is in a world of fear, of lies and lack of trust as I was, that that child doesn't feel loved because just telling it that you love it but are going to HIT it really don't convey love and didn't to me. I was alienated from them for the rest of their lives.
I live in Europe and believe me, children and young adults are very well behaved. And haven't been spanked in a number of years. One country banned it in the 1700's ... do you not think that t
Lack of manners, integrity and overall moral fortitude are the unfortunate side effects of the loss of censorship in media and television. The evils of the world are allowed to be broadcast into our children's minds and THAT is why the world is "going to crap." I guarantee it has nothing to do with whether parents spank or not. I agree to a certain extent with your opinions. However there are millions of families that do not tolerate spanking that have model children that excel in everything they do, including manners and behavior. The problem most Americans have is laziness. You must stick to the parenting method you choose. Those who choose not to spank and have terrible children unfortunately made a choice somewhere along the way that caused their children to be so. Whether they spank them or not has no bearing on the subject. Children are inherently well behaved and only learn bad behaviors from those they are closest to. Parents with demon children only have themselves to blame an
my parents spanked me when I was little. Spanking helped me to be a better person now that i have grown. All of you people who think spanking is evil, the BIBLE states "Spare the rod, SPOIL THE CHILD!!"
Yup, you got it exactly right in your very first sentence: You are definitely no expert and the fact that you've never taken a parenting class is very obvious.
So your child-hitting opinion remains exactly that an opinion that shows little regard nor respect for children you probably claim to love. Sad.
I hadn't been back here in quite a while, but I can see that my first communication with you was pretty extreme. Spanking is a very sensitive hot-button for me because I've seen many children (including myself) undergo serious abuse under the parents' misguided belief that it was just an "occasional spanking" and wasn't really going to hurt them. You're right that an occasional spanking isn't tantamount to abuse, but I know parents who consider "occasional" to be every day, and a "little spanking" to mean beating a toddler with a leather belt. Also, most well-rounded adults who I know were NOT raised on spanking; I think that other factors (such as the media) are responsible for the decline in our society's values.
I can see why you wouldn't want to spank in public, but your kids have to know you'll do it if needed. It's easy enough to find a restroom or go out to your car. I just need somewhere private where I can take their pants and underwear off to give them a proper spanking. Spanking through clothes doesn't work.
Juniper, I see you absolutely do not agree with spanking! That's cool! I just see the difference between how children behave now and how they behaved 20 years ago. Even young adults today show a huge increase in lack of manners, moral integrety, and respect. Lack of disapline is a huge factor in the decline of these characteristics. If you actually read my article you'll see I do not condone abuse, but, neither do I condone a parent not impressing upon thier children how to be a good human being. I know many doctors and psychologists do in fact agree that spanking (not abuse) is not harmful to a child if done in a proper manner. There is no need for sarcasm, that doesn't seem like an effective method of communication. And by the way, my children have a great self esteem and are very happy, loving children despite the occasional spanking.
Oh, I see. So you teach a child right from wrong by showing him how to do something "wrong"? That makes perfect sense. Forget all the studies about how children respond to spanking. Forget all those stupid doctors and psychiatrists and their intellectually based understanding of how a child's mind works. Let's all spank our kids. They've got to know that they're worthless and deserve abuse.