Let's Go Back to the Old Ways: Raising Children Successfully

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

We all know that today's children are beyond spoiled, but why is this so? Could it be that we have abandoned them?

Yes, abandoned them. We have given up on them to the point where thy have no clue as to who they are or why they do what they do.

We allow others to raise them and then we wonder why they turn out as they do. Nannies, grandparents, schools, after-school programs. These re the people we allow to influence the thought and behavioral patterns of the children we bring into the world.

I am the product of a single-parent home. I was raised by my mother. A woman who saw to it I did not disrespect her - whether or not she was nearby. While she did this with the help of her mother and sister, the ultimate responsibility was upon her. She carried me, she bore me and she raised me. Everything she did was to ensure the fact I was to be the best representation of the family name that I could possibly be at all times.

I realize parents today have the awesome job of working several jobs while seeing the needs of the family, and often doing it by themselves.

But that is no excuse for the way your child turns out.

Too many parents, especially the young ones, seem to think their child needs a friend to "grow up with". WRONG! They need a mother. They need a father.

You send them to school to make friends. You enroll them in after school programs and athletics to make friends. YOU ARE THE ADULT. You are the parent. It's time you acted like one.

That mean dishing out the discipline. "Layin' the smackdown"! Enforcing the rules of YOUR house. You know, that place you pay the rent or mortgage for. The place where your name is on the bills and you put food in the fridge, clothes on their backs, shoes on their feet. THAT place.

If I said or reacted in any way shape form or fashion the ways kids do today, I would not be alive to write this article. My momma woulda killed me!

When the idea began that kids could call the local police or child protective services when mom or dad were "threatening" to hit, my mom said, If you told me you would call the police because I was about to spank your behind, I'd dial the number for you and tell them they could have what was left when thy arrived to get you". She wasn't jokin' either. I was twenty years old when she said this, so I knew she was just bein' real.

I grew up in the era when if you got in trouble in school, by the time you got home, not only did the principal call you home, but so did your teacher, the vice principal, the neighbor next to school, several other members along the block(s) you took to and from school daily.

And let's not forget home.

Mom or dad would be waiting for you at the front door with belt in hand, or they'd make you go outside to "get me a switch" knowing full well your friends were coming down the street and now they would know you were in trouble.

That was discipline.

It brought jolts of fear to you at the very thought you would possibly get a whoopin'. That was the last thing you wanted. Anything but that.

But these kids today...you so much as threaten them and they pull out the cell phone (you bought them) to dial 9-1-1.

Common now!

Your child stands before you wearing the clothes you bought, in the house where you pay ALL the bills, having eaten the food you provided and about to dial for help on that phone you bought and are paying the monthly bills on...and you allow it.

"I can't handle my child!" or "I don't know how to control him/her!" is the common cry heard on most talk shows (Jerry Spring, Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc).

HERE'S HOW YOU DO THIS...Grab that child, snatch the phone from them, strip them but naked and have a good, thick leather belt near and begin to wailin' on that ***!

If it was good enough for many of you (those raise by a Black Momma know what I'm talkin' about), it is good enough for them.

Now, let's get this clear...I am NOT saying beat them to death...simply, wear that behind out to the pint they understand, and will forever remember who is in charge.

Those parents who go the extreme should be punished to the fullest extent of the law. There is NEVER a reason to beat a child to the point of risking that child's life.

What I am referring to is doing as the Bible says, "Proverbs 13:24 - He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. (NIV). This simply means, if you choose not to properly discipline your child, you are as much as telling him/her you don't care about them. But if you chasten (discipline) them, you show your care and concern for their outcome.

It is the job of the parent to make a child say, "I hate you!" This is how you will know you are doing the right thing. It will be from these lessons they will grow and become the responsible adults they should be when fully released into society.

A society that judge them based upon the way they interact with others. If they act irresponsibly it will reflect on you and the job you did, or in this case...did not do.

As for "Time Out"...it's time out for that.

Putting a child in the "naughty chair", stand in the corner or other TO-tactics is ridiculous. Especially when you do so and the punishment means they are now relegated to spending 'x' amount of days, hours or weeks in a room loaded with PS2 (or 3), I-Pods, stereo, television, etc.

Some punishment.

And for you parents who think it's the job of the school to rear your child. Think again.

Again, I reiterate, YOU gave birth to that child, not them. Rearing them is your job not theirs.

It is their job to educate them and prepare them for life in the work-a-day world.

But how can they educate them when they cannot get and/or maintain their attention because they have 'behavioral issues' that not only interfere with their education, but also those of their classmates who must now be held back while your "little Johnny or Sara" disrupts the class for the 'umpteenth time' today alone. It is almost impossible to teach when you have to spend the majority of the class time controlling one child while twenty-nine others are left to fend for themselves.

Now we have thirty children lacking an education, a lesson, sorely needed to graduate an no one is learning all because you 'couldn't handle' your child the way you knew you should have.

I am tired of shows like "Super Nanny", "The Nanny", and any other shows that attempt teach parents ways to "creatively" raise a child. They advocate the Time Out theory. Mind you, they have no children and no practical experience beyond a textbook.

I myself have had no children, but I did assist in raising my nephew, of whom I am very proud. He is a well-rounded young man of twenty-seven who has been little trouble to raise. And no, my sister, nor our mom or me used TO. If/when he 'got out of pocket' he got the belt to the behind and he never did what caused him to get it again.

Hey Mom and Dad, do you see the problem? More importantly, do you see the resolution?

You need to step up and be the parents you have made yourself to be. Yes, you did it. From the moment you laid down with that man/woman to have sexual relations and you made a baby, you made yourself parents. Now it's time to finish what you started.

That son/daughter you created in a "moment of pleasure and passion" is your responsibility from the cradle to the grave - yours or theirs, whoever dies first.

I know some say it stops when they become 'legal", but the reality is, until one of you dies, it's 24/7/365 (or six in leap years) J-O-B!

Another thing that needs to be addressed in this article is "buying your child".

You do this when you 'give' them 'things' and not your time and love.

Again, I realize that financial times call for "mo' money" which means working longer hours, two or more jobs, etc.

When you use things to replace you, the child uses them against you.

"If you loved me, you'd buy me that $2,000.00 bracelet like Beyonce has!" You know you've heard that. And it's because they have replaced you with the image of Santa Claus or an ATM. Then you wonder why when you threaten to stop they 'turn' on you and want to call 9-1-1 to complain about your treatment of them.

They don't need cell phones. Our parents were able to find us at a drop of a hat using their voice and the airwaves. They knew we were at Billy's house or Karen's house and they knew their families.

They don't need designer clothes. K-Mart, Wal-Mart, and area thrift stores are good enough. They will eventually grow out of them and who will have to replace them? Y-O-U! Will they be grateful? NO!

Will you do it again anyway? Yes, unfortunately.

THEY NEED YOU! Your time, love affection. They need to know you will be there for them when no one else is.

If you don't have the time to be with them when they need you, expect to have to make time to visit them while they do time behind bars.

Or spend time at the cemetery visiting their graves because you weren't there to keep them out of harm's way.

Okay, maybe one bill won't get paid because you took the day off to see them perform in a school play or in a game.

So, you can't buy lunch tomorrow to take to work. Use that money to take your child to a movie (do NOT send them). Enjoy time together.

Instead of playing golf with the guys, or getting your hair done, spend some quality time with your offspring doing what they want to do. No matter how uncomfortable it makes you feel. It will make them feel special, and give you both some laughs when they tell everyone how funny you looked as the two of you entered the concert arena to hear their fave group. Front row, no less.

The more time you spend with them may very well lessen how much you have to discipline them. You see, once they see you truly want to be a part of thier lives in a positive way, the less they will cause the negative things that you have to chastise them for.

This will also aid in stunting the growth of street gangs. This is just a pseudo-family they turn to - along with drugs, to make up for the fact that their own family isn't there for them. If they can't get it at home, they'll get it from the streets. And the street won't care what happens to them.

Mothers: Did you go through nine months (or more) or pain and torture; years of having no time for yourself; more stretch marks that a Rand-McNally road map all to have your child be the next to die in jail.

Fathers: And I mean Real Fathers - the Dads who really care about their children, did you really give up hanging with the boys so your boy could be accused of raping an elderly lady, or killing a stranger in a drive-by shooting over a bad drug sale?

I sure hope not!

These children are the future. They will be the ones taking care of us in our old age. But if they are not prepared because they were expelled from school for behavioral issues because you spent little or no time with them...you have no one to blame when they turn around and abuse you.

Give it a try...Have you hugged, no, Have you LOVED you kid today?

Love your children. Love the Future.

I hope so...for our sakes.