Let's Talk About Handicapped Sex

For the able bodied, sex is a subject widely discussed among friends. Television shows like "Sex and the City", and "Will and Grace", and movies like "How Stella a Got Her Groove Back" have made it easy for people to share stories, fantasies, even tips openly. So why is it so hard to for us to talk about sex and the handicapped?

One theory has it that we view the handicapped as childlike dependents and therefore don't want to view them as sexual beings regardless of their age. Another has it that we see their prospects as limited and don't want to raise their expectations by exploring the subject. A third is that handicapped people are asexual. (One Youtube video, entitled "How Do People in Wheelchairs have Sex" features four teenagers discussing the subject. In answer to the question: "How do people in wheelchairs have sex? The first reply is, "Maybe they just don't." Of course they do!) On the flipside some see handicapped sex as perverse or fetishism.

Whatever the reason, openly approaching the subject of sex with the handicapped has been the rule in an otherwise openly sexual society.

The handicapped are generally as interested in sex as the able bodied although they sometimes have fewer opportunities due to mobility and confidence issues. They struggle with the issue of sex when silence or rebuke is a response to questions and advances.

One way to approach the subject is to assess the handicapped person's physical abilities. A quadriplegic may be in a wheelchair but have use of their bodies below the beltline. Some may have no feeling below their waist but may enjoy the pleasure of their mate through devices or implants. Some people in wheelchairs have sensation but no control; some have control and sensation but can't walk. Assessing the abilities of someone in a wheelchair may be as easy as asking questions or as difficult as observing.

Once ability is established, the needs of the person can be determined by simple conversation. "So are you dating?" is a good opening line. Many handicapped people would love to talk about their needs and desires. Living under the social stigma of handicapped has made it difficult to open up and discuss sexuality for them. An opening that will enable a discussion may be all someone needs to express something that may be constantly on their mind.

Sexuality is a human essential, regardless of physical condition. Regarding someone confined to a wheelchair as less than whole is an antiquated bias. Opening the lines of communication with someone who is handicapped may open the door to a more meaningful relationship with that person and may help alleviate some depression and frustration that most of us would feel when deprived of one of life's essential pleasures.