Let's Talk About Sex... During Pregnancy

Contrary to popular jokes, your intimate life is not over now that you are pregnant. There may be, however, some ebb and flow, and you'll find the need for good communication is stronger now than ever before. There are emotional and physical changes to be expected at each stage of pregnancy; first, second and third trimester. I'll also answer questions about what can and cannot be done.

Sexual Changes in the First Trimester of Pregnancy

Emotionally:
• Not worrying about birth control or the possibility of pregnancy may increase desire for both partners.
• Learning to accept a new "motherly" role may decrease desire for a woman until she adapts to this new self-image.
• Women may feel free to explore new fantasies and sexual preoccupations. The feeling of creating new life may energize and excite! The man might feel sexual self-esteem rising at the thought of the pregnancy enhancing his desire.

Physically:
• Fatigue and nausea may make sex the last thing on her mind on a given day.
• Breasts are generally more tender, either increasing pleasure, or bringing pain if very sore. Be sure to communicate on this subject!
• Orgasms may last longer than usual, or you may experience an orgasm for the first time if you never have before.

What should we do?
• Take time to discuss any emotional issues and feelings regarding the impending birth. Are you feeling trapped? Increased responsibilities? Excited? Relieved to be pregnant? All these feelings can impact the sexual relationship.
• Ensure the mother gets plenty of rest. This means her partner may need to help her find time to nap during the day, or take over some of the housework. Helping to relieve her fatigue will help her feel up to intercourse if that is a temporary issue.
• Realize that even if lovemaking is somewhat decreased for a time, loving physical contact should not be. Cuddling, kissing and hugging are all ways to show support and reaffirm love even if she isn't feeling well at the time.

Sexual Changes in the Second Trimester of Pregnancy

Emotionally:
• Many women who experienced fatigue or nausea during the first months now regain energy and vitality enhancing their desire.
• New figure can be highly attractive and boost confidence.

Physically:
• Increased lubrication and blood flow can increase sexual pleasure for the woman causing multiple orgasms for the first time.
• Generally agreed by researchers to be the time of most sexual interest and excitement, as well as an overall comfortable time for making love.

What should we do?
• Enjoy! Have fun and don't be afraid to experiment.
• Realize that even with a growing figure, the baby is well protected and sexual activity does not harm the baby in any way. The penis doesn't hit the baby in the head, nor will orgasms or frequent sex trigger labor during a normal pregnancy at this stage.

Sexual Changes in the Third Trimester of Pregnancy

Emotionally:
• She may wonder more often if new body shape is a turn-off. However, most men report that they are excited by the new womanly curves and find their partner beautiful. Affirmation is always a great thing!
• Anxiety as estimated due date approaches may distract a woman or her partner from the lovemaking experience.
• Having to get creative and explore new positions for comfort may increase excitement and thus desire for both partners.

Physically:
• A larger abdomen means usually missionary style positions are unfeasible. Try some new positions that keep pressure off the mother's belly.
• Physical discomforts of late pregnancy such as heartburn, sleeplessness and Braxton-Hicks contractions can diminish the mother's sex drive at times.
• Orgasms will often trigger Braxton Hicks contractions that may last for quite a few minutes after sex. This is normal and they will usually decrease and fade away within an hour.
• Closer to the time of the baby's arrival a woman's breasts may leak colostrums with an orgasm. This is due to the release of oxytocin; the hormone that causes milk let-down, orgasms and contractions of the uterus.

What should we do?
• Get creative! Use this time to explore new positions, ideas and techniques. Communication is vitally important at this time to find positions of comfort for both partners.
• Some partners may feel strange as knowledge of the baby's presence is more obvious through fetal kicks and movements. This does not have to deter a couple from lovemaking and is something that should be discussed if needed.

What are some good positions for sex during pregnancy?
• Woman on top - helpful as it allows her to find a position of comfort. Either facing partner or away from him.
• Woman semi-reclined - propped up on pillows on the edge of bed. Partner can stand or kneel on the floor.
• Spooning - A nice cuddling position although penetration is shallow. Can be more comfortable in late pregnancy however.
• Sitting - The partner sitting with mother straddling, again either facing or turned away from him.
• Rear entry - Mother can be leaned over bed, birth ball or on hands and knees position. Partner stands or kneels behind her. Allows for more penetration.
• Side-by-side - lying on sides, facing one another. One leg draped over the top of partner's legs. Difficult to move a lot, but can be very comfortable, especially in late pregnancy.

Are there times we should not have sex during pregnancy?
Yes. The reasons for not having sex while pregnant are things you would be discussing with your health care provider and can include high risk of miscarriage during the first trimester, premature labor throughout pregnancy, ruptured membranes during third trimester, or placenta previa. If there is a medical reason you need to abstain from sex be sure to ask your provider if these means abstaining from penetration only, or from orgasm and/or all sexual activities completely. Rest assured though, if your doctor or midwife hasn't specifically told you to abstain from sexual activities during your pregnancy, you are safe to have sex. If you are seriously worried or in doubt, call and ask them!

See additional childbirth education articles and other stories by Angela England