Letter

i slowly dropped the letter you had written me, tears began to fall
from my eyes, i felt the words you had written as if they cut me
like a thousand knives, i could still see you walking away from me,
not turning around as my heart shattered in a thousand pieces.
wondering if you could hear it as it slowly fell to the floor
along with your letter, i just couldnt understand how you could
say you dont love me anymore, as if all these years were just to
pass the time, and they meant nothing to you at all. I know i meant
something to you or you wouldnt have given me the time of day, and
i had that, 4 years of it. My mind went blank as i walked around
that night hoping id see you and be able to wrap you in my arms once
again, to feel your embrace fulfill me and make me smile once more.
But after a while my wish got old and i knew it wasnt going to happen.
i walked into my house and straight to my room so i could cry onto my
pillow and let it all out, my emotions...
its wierd sometimes how things dont fully hit you until someone else
tells you how they heard something happen, thats when you realize,
hey its really over...thats when you start to miss them.
so i sit here alone on my bed with my tear soaked pillow and let the
effects of tonight sink in, that you are no longer mine to love,
and that i somehow...though it seems impossible now, have to move on.
memories make my heartbreak, like it could be any more broken anyways
i mean ive never seen it fall to this many pieces before and it might be
harder than before to pick them all up, i know i should be used to it,
but really... when can someone say theyve had enough? in love there is no end
just things to jump over that are in the way of continuing on.
i look at my ceiling and think about it, a pain so deep, a feeling like
this might really be it for us, the end...making my whole life a waste
because i gave everything to you. I look around my room and see memories
on my wall, pictures of us...in my closet lay boxes of notes you had
written me when you still cared. and again i feel my eyes burn with a
longing to cry tears i no longer have left inside, im all cried out,
what is there to say now except how i dont understand, my view on
things must have been messed up because i thought you loved me, i was
decieved and your sweetness was but an illusion to keep me holding onto
something i shouldnt have dared to dream of.
I know ill always remember that night, the glow of the street light falling
on your face as you turned from me, and walked out of my life. i remember
the look in your eyes as you handed me the letter, a look of confusion? maybe
something more that i couldnt see trough the tears, i knew it was coming.
i play it over and over in my head, i swear i have read and dropped that letter
a thousand times and even cried more tears than the oceans could hold,
but i dont think ill ever let go, i need to hold on, it keeps me strong,
so right now ill close my eyes, and for one night i might dream of something
other than you, and maybe for the first time in my life i wont have to read
that letter in my dreams, cause theres nothing that hurts me more
than seeing you in my dreams, knowing i cant touch you and holding onto
something that was just within the warmth of your hands, where my heart used to be.