Letting Go of the Fear of Criticism

The fear of embarrassment is stronger than actually being embarrassed. As a writer, my fear comes from the potential criticism of my fiction writing. That fear of criticism came to fruition the day that I let a coworker read one of my short stories. I was embarrassed and claimed that my sister wrote it and I was just doing a proof read.

My coworker didn't like it and told me so. I was embarrassed but not while I was standing face to face with her. I was embarrassed because I had already submitted that short story to a contest. I tied for third place in that contest and my embarrassment turned to pride, especially since that story was my first complete work of fiction.

Tying for third place was the boost my confidence needed to continue writing fiction. Before that win I would not let anyone I knew personally read my work. It made me realize that my ideas aren't bad, or stupid, or cheesy, at least not all of them.

Today was a turning point. I completed another short story and submitted it with a little more confidence to another competition being held by the same website. It may not win anything and I doubt it will even take 'tied for third place' but I really think it's a good story and know in my heart that if it does not win then it was because there were better stories being told or stories that were written with more finesse and not because mine was a bad story.

I also emailed it to my sister, the one who I blamed for writing that first short story. I emailed both short stories to her because I never did let her read the first one. This was the first time I ever let anyone knowingly read MY work. I really want her honest opinion, not kudos, not pats on the back, just honesty. The criticism doesn't scare me anymore and I don't think that a fiction story could ever embarrass me again. Now, a true story, I can think of plenty of embarrassing ones.

Today, I reached a milestone and I'm celebrating a personal victory over my fear of embarrassment and criticism. Maybe I finally got my thick skin or maybe I just grew up. Either way, I'm proud, a little. I never thought when I started writing that it would lead me here.

There was a time, about eight years ago, that some friends and I were discussing the 'what ifs' of life. I remember saying that if I had to do it all over again that I might just become a writer. I guess I don't have to look at 'what ifs' anymore.