Letting Go of Hurtful People
People that Hurt You Bring You Down. How Much of This is Necessary?
When dealing with someone that is difficult in your life I have a few things that you should ask yourself. First thing is how does this person make you feel about yourself? If you can not answer this in a positive way then you may have some considering to do. I am not telling you to write off your friends with issues here. Just because your friend has issues and you feel bad for them, doesn't mean it makes you feel bad about yourself. I mean, does this person make you feel happy? Do they compliment your personality? Do they get you? Most importantly, do they make you feel special? Everyone wants to feel loved and needed and maybe a little worshiped. But when you look at a relationship you have with someone and all you feel is used and hurt, it may be time to move on.
The second thing you should figure out is if this person has your feelings in mind when they are around you? Really, do you need to be around a person that has no regard for how you feel or what you want in your life? When it comes right down to it, anyone that cares for you will not ask you to compromise yourself or your beliefs for what they want or need. If your friend or relative can not respect your wishes, choices, and dreams, then maybe they don't deserve to be your friend or family.
Deciding to make your life successful is not something that happens over night. The process of removing hurtful people from your life is not easy and not something to be taken lightly. There comes a time when you need to decide what is good for you and what isn't. When the time comes that you decide that you have had enough and want to take a more positive path in your life, there are a few things that you can do to help you become stronger in your decisions.
Every time you are confronted with that person that makes you feel bad about yourself you need to immediately ask yourself why you are putting up with it. You are a quality person and deserve to be surrounded by quality people and quality relationships. Telling yourself that you put up with it because he is your husband or because she is your sister is not good enough. Blood may be thicker than water, but blood can clot and destroy your heart. Do you want to lose your heart? Is one hurtful relationship worth the pain, stress, sadness, and agony that will come from it? I don't think so!
When the time comes that you have decided to let someone go from your life is when it becomes the hardest. If it is someone that has been active in your life for many years, it will feel like they died for awhile. But after a few weeks of no contact and no drama, you will be amazed at how much happier you will feel. You will from time to time, of course, have memory moments of the good times. But as soon as you do, you need to instantly recall the bad ones. The fights, the lies, the hurts, and the disregard for who you are. Anyone that loves and cares for you would not treat you in such a manner, just as you wouldn't do to them.
Remember when someone told you that quote "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" ? Well then Live it! Embrace that theory and accept nothing less. Once you have resolved to do the work and cut them loose, your life will feel like a tornado for a bit. You will have a few more fights and some explaining to do. These people enjoy walking all over you, so when you disappear from the radar they will want to know why. You can simple tell them that they make you feel bad about yourself and you don't want to feel that way anymore. That you are moving your life and person to a positive path and would rather focus on that, than the hurt and drama that they bring to you. They will not be happy. They will not understand. They will try to convince you otherwise. Stand up for yourself and tell them no. This is the decision you have made and will accept nothing less than pleasant people, quality experiences, and fulfilling relationships. Chances are they will walk away, angry, but still walking away. Then there you are, ready to move to the next happy relationship, all the while knowing what you want from it.
Published by Heather Prinz
Heather is a single mother of two energetic boys. Her children paired with her need to express herself make her life an interesting subject for the world to view. You may find something interesting, comical,... View profile
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18 Comments
Post a CommentPerfect timing! I had just learned all of this the hard way and decided that 2011 is the year that I rid myself of negativity, dysfunction, drama, hatefulness, bigotry, and all other ASSociated words to personify people who are not worthy of my time. Very plainly, but profoundly, worded article. Thank you for reaffirming what had just manifested itself to me, like a freight train! I'm so excited about this coming year. I'm already experiencing absence of drama, and I must say, if feels suh-weet! Meeting new friends and I have raised the bar; nothing but quality, positive, caring people and those who don't talk about themselves all the time!! Good luck to everyone!
Thanks So much This is just what i needed. I have been able to let go of a particular ex best friend before and she keeps coming back and I keep excepting her. She has only hurt me every time and does not make me feel special and she also uses me. I feel It's best to move on but it is a little hard.
You have said this very succinctly as a person who has obviously "been there". We do have to let ourselves validate our feelings regarding the lack of response or show of care for example when a loved one, my husband, was in life threatening circumstances. It's amazing to learn at one of the worst times of life who the "fair weather friends and relatives" are at those times when a show of care is crucial. I am also a WMU alumnus.
I amazed because this is the same thing that I went threw with a man that I loved very much in 91..I,gave him two children.We went our seperate ways for almost 14 years and found our way back to each other..But,as I have grown and become and mature as a daughter,mother,sister,aunt and friend,he still hasn't.He,still craves for the attention and to is one sided.But in my heart,I can't walk away because we will always have a connection..Being hurt in some ways makes you grow and become stronger,in my case it did.So,I feel that it is a great life experience..Maybe,I am wrong..
Great article. I wrote down some of your tips on a index card in my wallet. I will bring out index card the next time I consider going back.
This is well written. I am almost stalked by someone I love. But I tried harder than ever to get their loving attention, and they treated me like I was worthless. I am moving on. But, someone I am willing to die for, that can't pray "WITH" me and not "FOR" me, may be a little bit, different than me and not complimant my way I want to be loved.
A very interesting read. I have had one friendship that has lasted 22 years. Most of that time it has seemed one-sided, as it is usually me who keeps the line of communication going. When I suggested recently that perhaps we should call it a day, she was horrified and said that wasn't her choice!(clearly a guilt trip there,I know)! I feel our friendship wont reach 23 years, as although I love her very much, I know the right thing for me to do is let go, how ever hard that may be.
This is such a great article you wrote and so inspirational. I once had a best friend who I loved very much and although she has done awful things to me I always seem to go back to hurt basing our relationship on the past and trying to make our relationship as good as the past but that would never happen again. She always thought she would be the most successful one and life had a different plan and I have luckily been successful and made right decisions in life. She is very envious and jealous but I always try to ignore it since no matter what I still care about her friendship and I have stopped talking to her before for like 2 years and I always go back but enough is enough for someone who ignores my calls and obviously does not want for me as food as I used to want for her. Thanks for the inspiration, it is great to see I am not alone and that it hurts most people to let go off bad friends.
I really appreciate this! Having a tough time letting some so called 'friends' go, their not bothered if i let them go or not and that bothers me lol! but at the end of the day i dont have time or space for people who dont have time or space for me!
I once escaped a relationship that ended up making me feel miserable. Sometimes one has to make a quick exit and not look back!