Letting Go of an Unfulfilling Relationship and Attracting Your Ideal Partner

The C.A.S.S.I™. process signifies the 5-stepping stones of letting go of an unfulfiling relationship and creating a situation you really want. The 5-steps of letting go are Complacency, Awareness, Strategy, Selection, and Intuition. Once you move through this process, you are on your way to evoking change and attracting your ideal partner.

Complacency

We often feel complacent when a situation has become unfulfilling to us. This feeling is the initial signal of the need for change. You must let go of things in your life in order to make room for the something new. That can cause fear at first because it means you will move into the unknown. Sometimes, the initial fear will cause you to stay where you are and resist change. You may stay in a job that is not satisfying because you fear you will not find another. You may stay in a less than happy relationship because you are afraid you will not find someone else. In both examples, you bargain with yourself and reason: "well, maybe this is as good as it gets."

At this point of dissatisfaction, you know you don't like where you are, and you know you should make a change, or you want to make a change, but you can't really pinpoint what it is that is making you unhappy in your situation. So you stay and hope it gets better, and perhaps take some of the blame on yourself. Remember, you must let go of some things in your life in order to make room for the something new.

Awareness

You know you want to change, but you are unaware of what it is that is making you dissatisfied. First, get in touch with who you really are. Identify your key drivers or motivators, values, preferences and core needs. Second, create a vision and goal for the ideal situation/relationship. Next, compare what you have now (the current state) with your ideal vision or goal (desired state). BINGO! You have identified the gaps! You can now see where the job or relationship is not aligned with your values or long term goals, needs, etc. No wonder you were not happy! You have a clear picture of why it is not working. Awareness is the key motivator to change. Now you are aware and motivated to move forward to something new (your ideal vision or goal). You can articulate a reason why "it is just not working." You will also find it helpful to look back and identify past behavior patterns. Now that you have a clear picture of the gaps in your situation and an ideal vision and goal of where you want to be, letting go will be easier. You have a destination!

Strategy

You want to change, you are aware of what needs to change and have a clear vision and goal for your ideal state. Now, how do I get there? This is the strategy piece, or the how. How will I find my ideal mate, my ideal job. Your strategy to get what you want will consist of creating solid criteria that potential dates must meet and a plan for where to find him. First, let's focus on the criteria piece. The criteria you create will be based upon your values, needs and goals. Your criteria is a "checklist" to help you set boundaries in your life and to help you decide what to move towards or move away from. Creating a solid list of criteria when evaluating potential dates is critical, or you will continue to date in a random way.

Example: Your "Ideal Relationship" might consist of requirements such as marriage, children, solid financial underpinnings, outdoor sports, spirituality and life in Southern California. The "Ideal Partner" to fit that role would be a man who MUST: be marriage minded, wants children, has a solid job that does not require a lot of travel, he is fit and does not abuse any substances, and does not want to relocate. These criteria will serve as a filter or "gatekeeper" for all of the people and things that come your way. When you implement your dating strategy, it will include criteria for screening out anyone not meeting ALL of your "must have" criteria. If he misses one, he is automatically out, no matter how handsome, successful or charming he may be. Again, if a man does not meet all of your "must have" criteria, do not bend no matter how handsome, successful or charming he may be. Reflect on the criteria you created for your ideal relationship and realize that he is not right for you.

The second part of your creating your strategy is developing a dating plan. Simply put, how will you meet your potential dates? Where will you go? Will you involve your network of friends, use speed dating, online dating, join a special interest club? Think about where this type of person would be and put yourself there. You will also want to think about how you will introduce yourself once you see a potential date.

Selection

You now have a strategy consisting of a solid list of criteria for evaluating your potential mates and a plan on where to go to meet him. As you place yourself in venues for meeting others, you use this "selection tool" or criterial list to uncover information about the other person. Do they meet your criteria or not? You do this by asking open questions, listening to what is being said and even reading between the lines for what is not being said. Through the "art of conversation", you can weave your questions in to quickly tell a great deal about a person. Remember, what we talk about most is a clear reflection of what we value. Also, observe how the person behaving? Look at body language and general actions the person takes.

Through artful questining and behavioral clues, you can quickly determine if that first meeting will turn into a second, or pehaps a third. Just like job interviews, selection has several tiers. In fact, strategy and selection steps are similar to what I have used in Human Resource recruiting.

Intuition

Oftentimes, despite all of the data we collect, the observations we make, intuition tells our truth, gives us our answer. Intuition is that insight that comes from the unconscious mind. It is that pulling inside or that "gut feeling." We often call it "that little voice." Have you ever trusted your intuition, in spite of all other information you had in front of you, and found you were right? How about the occasions when you ignored it, that "red flag" that told you on day one that the job would not work for you, or the relationship was not right? Were you on target? Decide the strength of your intuition based upon past experiences and weigh it into your selection process.