Lies I Want to Believe

With all due respect to Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, this is not about you. This is about the little things in life that I know aren't true, but want to believe anyway. It's kind of like movies, you know what's happening up on the screen is not real, but it's fun to believe it is.

You Save...
This is the one that got me thinking about this topic. If you've ever shopped online, no doubt you've seen this one. Right by the price, usually in red, you get to see how much you save. I'm sorry, but I just don't believe it.

In high school, I worked in a grocery store. One of my jobs as a stockman was to put out bright little signs telling the customers how much they saved. My manager gave me a handful of blank signs and a magic marker and told me to put them out. I asked if there was some price list to go by and was told, no - just make it up. I thought this was wrong, but work is work. So I went around and stuck signs like - "You save $7.38" on a 48-cent jar of pimentos. I worked there less than a month.

Whenever I see one of those "you save" blurbs I think back to that round, little manager with his polyester tie and handful of lies. But here's the thing. Even though I know these 'you save' things are made up by some guy sitting at a desk pulling random numbers out of the air, I still want believe them. I want to think that I'm getting a bargain. It's stupid when you think about it, but as they say: ignorance is bliss.

I Am a Valued Customer
This is one of my favorites. Whether it comes from a piece of junk mail or while I'm on hold listening to that ever-so-bright, cheerful voice telling me that I am a valued customer, the truth is that companies don't care about anything but my money. If you want to see how valued you are, stop sending them money and see what happens. But I really like to think that that person on the other end of the phone is genuinely concerned about me and my needs. Yeah, right.

Locking the Door
I grew up in the inner city, and we never, not ever left the door unlocked. Every night when I go to bed I check the doors to make sure they're locked, so that my family will be safe from intruders. Of course the reality is that a locked door only stops honest people. But this little deception helps me sleep at night.

Size Doesn't Matter
Uh... a friend of mine brought this up. And my friend felt that all this motion in the ocean stuff was just there to make certain guys feel better. That's ... uh... all my friend had to say about that.

40 is the New 30
Getting older may beat the alternative, but man if I'm this achy now, I have a lot to look forward to. Besides, when was 30 all that hot anyway?

Slot Machines
A couple times a year, my wife and I go gambling for the weekend. All the way to the casino we talk about how much we're going to win. And every time we go, we lose. Not a lot, but we never, ever win. And yet, that ray of hope, that next time we'll hit the jackpot is one of those stupid beliefs that keep us going back. Somebody has to win is the belief, and it's true, somebody does win - the owners of the casino.

America
I want to believe in America. I want to believe in government of the people, by the people and for the people. But as I watch this country tear itself apart, I worry that the America I believe in is a lie. It no longer exists. I want to say that's not true. But I can't.

Good Night
The reason I want to believe these things and more is that it's late, and I want to go to bed. And I don't want to lay awake at night and think that the world I have brought my children into is a barren, deceitful place.