Life is What You Make It

You know, I used to think I knew what I wanted with my life, until I ran into life and death. I have watched so many people die that it has became natural. The sad part is that you know someone is watching it all. I did not know it for a long time. I am twenty two years old, and I have died inside watching things like this, I still do. There have been so many celebrities that have died. I truly do not know how people have lived without the people that have inspired them for so long.
In my life I used to think it was all natural. When I was nine years old, my mom committed suicide, of a drug over dose and carbon monoxide poisoning. She had a really rough life. My mother had three bad kids. She was an inspiring woman. She had her whole life in front of her. She got her GED when she was in her early thirties. One thing that she always asked of my brother and sister, as well as me, was to finish school. It took me a long time to realize what she was talking about.
It has been thirteen years since she passed, December 5, 1996. I know she is gone from us now. It has been so hard since she has been gone. I love her so much still. I still remember trying to remember the day by writing it on my soccer flag, I won in a game. Like any person would I miss their mother? It is still a trying road even to this day. I talked to my younger brother today. We have spent our whole life together. He has watched me literally flush my life away and bring it back to life. I have used drugs and prostituted myself. It has been a rough road for me all by myself. My only regret is that, I wish I never did it in front of my little brother.
I still feel, to this day, that I caused this tornado. I wish I could go back and change the way I lived my life. I also know that I can not change what happened. Yes, it was my mistake doing what I did in front of him. I did a lot of messed up stuff that I should have not showed him. I can only blame me. Does not everyone wish they could change the past?
I have learned that you reap what you sow, by me being the older sister; I should have done what was right. Of course I did not choose the right direction for myself for a long time. I made very bad decisions. I got high and gave myself away for prices that should not even be talked about.
What matters is that I have learned from my life experiences. I have a good life now. I am going to school; I am on my way to getting my general high school diploma. I am doing things of a normal person.
I am going to be something my mother never was. I am going to be a college graduate. I am not sure if I will be the first, but I am still proud. For the first time in my life I feel like I accomplished something. That in its self feels good enough. After all is that not what life is all about? Life is what you make it, make it worth it.