Life After the Death of a Spouse: Dating? Flirting? How Do You Do That?
I spent nearly three fourths of my entire life checking off those boxes that say married and putting a "Mrs" in front of my name. I planned to spend the rest of my life with a man who was not only my soul mate, but my best friend. Cancer had other plans and took him from me over 2 years ago. People tell me life goes on and I am too young to spend the rest of my days alone.
Well, I haven't got a clue what to do about "not" being alone. When death takes a spouse from you, you still feel married even though your spouse is no longer with you. As if the word widow isn't bad enough, someone even had the nerve to gently try to tell me I was a single woman now. Single! What a terrible thing to say to me, even though I know they meant it in the kindest way.
Even my adult children have told me that I am too young to remain alone the rest of my life. So, okay, maybe this is true, but I certainly do not know how to be a single person, nor did I want to be after all of these years. Living without my spouse is a very lonely life. I haven't dated or flirted in so many years, I don't think I know how.
My daughter-in-law tells me that there are dating sites for "seniors." I am not sure which of the "s" words are worse -- single or senior. I don't like either of them. Like it or not, I am apparently a senior single women. It's like being lost in a foreign land. I have friends who have lost their spouses after many years of marriage. Some have already remarried and others are dating. Each widow, or senior single, has to do what is right for them. I am just not sure about finding someone on a dating site. We didn't have such things 40 years ago.
"Oh, he was not flirting with me!" I have been out with my daughters-in-law and friends for a girl's night out. They tell me I don't even have a clue when a gentleman is trying to flirt with me. I have had no reason to pay attention to someone flirting with me. When I go out in public, I still act married because that is how I feel. I am sure many of you widowed, or single senior, women understand what I am talking about.
We may want to go on with life, we just don't know how. Going from married, to widowed takes a toll on your emotions that may never recover. The time period from thinking of yourself as married, to realizing you are single could be years. Eventually though, you will realize how lonely you are and will want a companion to spend time with. You just won't be sure how one goes about this strange single life of today. How in the world do you flirt while signed in to a dating site?
More by this writer:
Things Every New Widow Should Know
Are There Defined Stages of Grief?
Why You Should Know Your Spouse's Final Wishes
Published by Donna Thacker - Featured Contributor in Lifestyle
Donna is an award- winning fiction author, recently published with Twin Trinity Media. While she enjoys writing fiction, Donna also has a knack for writing informative articles that show her knowledge and p... View profile
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6 Comments
Post a CommentBe brave. Thanks for sharing.
Be brave. Thanks for sharing.
typo: tome - time. :)
You'll know when you're ready and when that tome comes, just be you. Great article! :)
I have a feeling you'll catch on. My best friend's husband passed away suddenly and unexpectedly a couple of years ago. She recently found someone on a dating site and so far it is going well. Nothing serious yet, but certainly a start! Give it a try.
My advice is "just be yourself".