Life After the Empty Nest

The first born child of a family is a creation of love. We watch the tiny being as it grows and its personality quickly begins to shine through all on its own, without any encouragement. We know at this moment that this special creation has its own agenda. We're suddenly hooked for life the moment its tiny arms reach out to us for comfort and security.

The love and bonding we obtain from our children sinks deep within our hearts and souls to remain there the rest of our lives. An instinct is developed to protect our children just as natural as breathing itself. Days turn into years as sacrifices are made for the needs of the child.

Years slip by quickly as teenage adolescence comes quickly out of nowhere. "Where did the years seem to go," we think as we watch the child grow to a young adult. Now, the young adult yearns for a life (and a place) of their own as ideas turn into conversations about "getting out" of the nest.

Some families are more than ready to release their child, while others feel quite differently. Our mind begins to work overtime as we ask ourselves: "can they really make it on their own, is it too early for them to leave, and can they really make without us?" But, the main question which plaques our subconscious is can we ever "really" let them go.

Humorist Erma Bombeck states that "parents don't miss the work of a parent; they're just upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator." This is where our emotional strings are cut to the bone.

A recent survey showed that 75% of parents suffer from "empty nest syndrome." Some of those who were interviewed in the survey "didn't even want to talk about it." This is a subject which seems to pull at the heart strings of most parents.

The first child to leave the nest is usually the hardest to adjust to (in our minds). Another stage has begun and some of us are not quite ready for the change just yet. If this is an only child leaving the nest sometimes the adjustments are even more dramatic. Sometimes the child is one of the only things that binds and holds the family together.

Getting use to the child leaving takes some families anywhere from 1 to 2 years to adjust to the change. I've went through the empty nest twice with the same child, and each time took a period of "emotional" adjustment. Here are some tips which might help you and you spouse to adjust to the change in the family status.

Get to know your spouse again

Rekindle the romance with your spouse, and get to know who they are again. Spend extra time (with your spouse) doing what you always wanted to do. Take a trip somewhere that you couldn't have taken before, and enjoy the free time which you now have.

Make a change of opportunity list

Create a list of things to change in the home, which will keep you and your mind busy at the same time. Take up a new hobby or join a community group. Shake up the day's activities and do something out of the ordinary. This helps to open up new adventures and creates a new outlook on life.

Talk to other empty nest parents

Getting feedback from parents who have never went through an empty nest provides no emotional help, so talk with someone who has recently went through this situation. A new mindset will help you to see your situation in a new light with a refreshing point of view. You may find out soon that you like this new family status.

Prepare the child before they leave

Preparing the child will give both you and your child the emotional support which is needed. Can they provide for themselves? If not teach them all of the essentials of living on their own. They'll still need your assistance from time to time so don't make this situation any bigger than it really is. Chances are you'll probably see them almost as much as before. Release them and let them go. This is not a life threatening situation.

Avoid making big changes

Make sure both you and your spouse make time for adjustment. Most parents take a period of adjustment before they make any drastic changes such as: redecorating or changing the child's room. Take your time to be able to adapt to the change in the family status. If the child was an only child it only leaves you and your spouse in the home. So, be careful because in some cases this change in the family status has been fatal to the marriage.

Try to keep in mind that in most cases change is good for a relationship. It helps to keep things fresh and also interesting. This is just another stage of adjustment which we all go through in our lives. However this stage of life is all about you. Now is the time to see who you really are after you've played the role of a parent for so long.

Always remember that parenting is never over. Your next stage of life will begin when all the participants are ready. Now, if everything usually goes as planned your next job will be providing valuable information for a new entry into the family: your grandchildren.

Sources of information:

www.netdoctor.co.uk/womenshealthfeatures/ens.htm
womenshistory.about.com/.../quotes/.../qu_erma_bombeck_2.htm