Life As a Single Parent

Over the years, I have heard various people talk about single moms getting remarried in terms of them being 'saved' or needing to be 'saved' from the hard life of being a single parent. That thought process is disturbing to me.

While there are certainly people, men and women alike, who would like nothing better than to live a life of luxury and never have care in the world, there are plenty of others for whom that type of existence would quickly grow boring.

The Uphill Battle

It can be an extreme challenge to be a single parent. There is no question about that. In the ideal situation, two healthy loving parents would be involved in providing for and raising the children. Both would be a support to one another, and both would take an active role in presenting a united front to the children.

Life isn't perfect, and neither are relationships. Most healthy relationships have that foundation, but have not achieved that level of perfection.

As a single parent you are generally fully responsible for meeting, by yourself, all of the needs of your children. There is no support system in place in the home. There is no backup in the home. There is no one else to help you or take over for you. You are on your own.

Sadly, many marriages, before divorce, disintegrate to such a state as well. One party gets left taking on the majority of the responsibility even though there is someone else in the home, who, by all rights, should be participating more fully.

For those, the divorce may actually be a god-send in that they no longer have to deal with the stress associated with interacting with the other partner. For some, they may find their workload actually has decreased significantly, without that other person there dragging them down, and wreaking havoc.

For those living as a single parent and feeling the freedom from that stress and workload, remarriage becomes a very unappealing thought. Why would they want to add to their stress and workload? Why would they want to suddenly have to answer to another person or suddenly have to do things another person's way? It may be a great deal of work and sacrifice, but the new peace they have in their home and which they feel personally is well worth it to them.

So why do we assume, so readily, that a single parent, wants or needs 'rescuing'? What is it in their lives that we are judging to be so unbearable that we believe they are incapable of fixing it or living with it; and they must have someone come in and make it all better for them?

Nomex and Kevlar-Lined Armour Included

In my own life, I have had two different men propose to me who promised me the good life if I would marry them. They both made really good money, and had nice homes. Marriage to either of them would have allowed me to be a full-time stay-at-home mom (which is my first choice) and to complete my education and the books I am writing.

I also dated and dumped two men who were millionaires without ever looking back. I have had my share of struggles as a single parent, but I would never marry someone just to be married or to have more money coming into the home.

I learned my lesson about making bad choices regarding who and why to marry, the first time. I will not make that mistake again.

And so it is with most of the single parents I know. They have been burned, and have learned their lesson. They are more cautious now; and while there are things about married life which are missed and would be wonderful to have, they will not trade the peace and independence they have found just to have that.

If they remarry it will be to the right person for them and their children, and for the right reasons for them and their children.

No rescuing required.