Life as a Suddenly Single (and Scared) Mom

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger"
Freidrich Nietzsche (Twilight of the Idols, 1888)

8 years ago, I was faced with an terrifying reality, that is commonplace in modern society. I was a newly single, unemployed, stay at home mom. Faced with the daunting task of finding full time work after being at home for years. No confidence, no pertinent skills, many bills to pay and two children in diapers was enough to make me have a nervous breakdown. Of course I had two young children who depended on me, and I wasn't going to let them down. So how does a woman regain their independence and financial freedom?

Step One: Talk to friends and neighbors, your Doctor and Pastor. Allow them to help you first get over the devastation and heartache of a relationship breakdown. You need to heal in order to move on and function to the best of your ability. You need to be there for your children and know you still love them 110%.

Step Two: Realize you are not an "unskilled" person. You learn many skills as a stay at home mom you can never learn at school, or for that manner at a workplace. You learn problem solving, multitasking, childhood psychiartry, emergency medical treatment, financial planning, relationship skills, organizational skills and so, so much more. These are all things employers are looking for, and don't believe they won't give you a chance.

Step Three: Boost your self esteem. Alot of women who stay at home with their children lose their self- confidence and self worth. Go to the Library, pick up some books on self esteem. Contact your local community centre or even your Family Doctor. They can recommend support groups that are no cost and can help immensely.

Step Four: Prepare a stand out resume. This is also something you can get help with from local community centres or at the Library. If your children are school aged, talk to the principal at the school. They can sometimes also refer you to someone who can help out with your resume for little or no cost.

Step Five: Plan the childcare arrangements as best as possible. Maybe you are lucky enough to have family who can help with childcare arrangements, in this case the arrangements become less of a challenge. If you are like me and have no family close enough to help, or willing to help you need to search for alternate arrangements. These vary from home care to structured daycare facilities. The cost may prove to be a challenge depending on your child support arrangements. In most provinces in Canada, you can apply for a daycare subsidy. The downfall to this is the time it takes to get approved. There is a lengthy waiting list.

Step Six: Start looking!!! Most woman are faced with the challenge of finding something that is flexible to allow for emergencies and illnesses. This is a very hard thing to find. I believe your best bet is to find a full-time job with weekday, structured hours. Upon being hired, you can explain to your manager your situation, and in most cases they are very understanding. A good idea is to check up on the employment laws in your area. In Ontario, it is illegal for an employer to let you go or fire you because you had a family emergency. It may take a while to find something, but believe me, if I did, you can too!

Other things you can do:

If your income allows it, take a computer course, even if it is online at home. Most office jobs require you have basic computer skills at the very least, so this is a wise investment. Again, community centres or social services can help you with this.

Approach Social Services for help. If you faced with the situation that I was, a deadbeat ex who does not help with support, then you may need to contact social services for some assistance in the interim. Most social service programs offer medical and dental coverage, as well as giving you the option to take courses to improve your chances of finding a good job.

Start your own home daycare. This is a great idea if you can swing it. This is the one thing you have been doing for the last however many years. It can pay a pretty decent about too these days. Check with local laws and requirements before starting a thing such as this.

A link to an amazing article about this challange is below
http://www.employmentdigest.net/2007/05/can-stay-at-home-moms-return-to-work/

A great book you should check out is "The Feminine Mistake" by Leslie Bennett

Believe in yourself and your abilities. You can do it!!