Life with a Bipolar Individual

The big retirement day comes for you and your spouse. No more lunches to pack, no more alarm clocks, no more schedules to keep. Instead that is all traded for constant togetherness. Sound good? You might want to think again about being stuck 24-7 with a bi polar individual.

Just what is bipolar disorder:
Bipolar disorder is a serious mental illness that causes dramatic mood swings for more than 5.7 million American adults, or 2.6 percent of the entire population. A bipolar diagnosis is also known as "manic-depressive illness." For these people, and the ones around them, life consists of energetic highs and/or irritable moods, to sad and hopeless mood swings. The high feeling is called mania, and the down mood is called depression. And, bipolar people go through normal moods in between the cycle of highs and lows.

What to expect with bipolar disorder:
Bipolar disorder can have a wide-range of symptoms, and deep mood swings can last for weeks, even months. The most noticeable characteristic of bipolar disorder is sudden changes from mania to depression, and back again. Mood episodes (called "episodes") are intense. The feelings are strong and occur with extreme changes in behavior as well as energy levels.

Some signs and symptoms of manic episodes are:

* Agitation
* Anger
* Unable to concentrate
* Over-the-top optimism
* Extreme irritability
* Impulsive behavior
* Restlessness
* Aggressive behavior
* Denying that anything is wrong
* Inflates self-esteem
* Poor judgment
* Jumping from one thought (or activity/project) to another
* Voicing opinions or beliefs loudly
* Intrusive

Some signs and symptoms of depressive episodes are:

* Decreased energy, fatigued
* Feelings of worthlessness
* Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
* Irritability, anger, agitation, anxiety or worry
* Loss of interest and pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
* Restlessness
* Sad or empty moods
* Excessive sleeping or not being able to sleep
* Painful sensations not from physical illness or injury
* Unexplained weight loss or gain

Bipolar disorder consists of various and continuous range of moods. At one end of the spectrum is severe depression, which is often followed by moderate depression. Normal or balanced mood is somewhere in the middle, and after this comes mild to moderate mania and continues to severe mania.

Life with a Bipolar Spouse:
Bipolar people often experience poor work performance, alcohol or drug abuse, and strained or broken personal relationships. Bipolar people can be charming, witty, irresistible, intelligent --- until they become unbearable.

Often, after a manic episode a bipolar person will be kind, thoughtful, even chatty. Kind of like they want themselves to appear normal after the sudden display of excessive anger or irritation. They will strive to act as if nothing is wrong, and deny that what they did was uncalled for. In fact, they may not only deny the episode, but pretend it didn't happen or that they don't remember it happening.

More often than not, if a spouse displayed excessive anger they may suddenly become sentimental. They may turn to favorite music and hope to bring the person they alienated back into their circle. They may become very quiet, and then suddenly want to dance or engage in sexual activity with their spouse. This can be a bipolar way of expressing an apology or a way to feed their need to be wanted and desired.

Living with a bipolar spouse is like being in front of a firing squad on a daily basis. Bipolar disease is always just beneath the surface, and excessive mood swings can happen without notice. The bipolar person may become extremely irritated, angry and agitated about something that would be insignificant to a non-bipolar person.

The bipolar person is not shy about displaying their anger and verbally abuse their spouse, co-workers or friends. They do not believe they did anything wrong, and insist it was the other person or situation that caused the outburst. Often they will be extremely hungry or sleepy after an episode. They might even speak childlike or want to be viewed as cutesy and innocent. But, any and all attempts to disguise a mood swing is temporary and can/will revert to another extreme quickly.
People having a bipolar spouse may tend to stay in the shadows and try to avoid upsetting situations. However, there is no way to avoid the onslaught of a bipolar episode. The spouse of a bipolar person can expect to be hurt (mentally or physically) numerous times when the pendulum swings to the extreme ends of a manic-depressive cycle.

What are My Choices?
Living with a bipolar personality is difficult, and can easily destroy the relationship. Bipolar disease can be treated but will never disappear. The manic highs may be extremely good times, but when the mood swings in the opposite direction - and it will - the manic-depressive low can be devastating to the one exposed to the bipolar irritability, anger, abuse and behavior. Many spouses find the mood swings unacceptable and refuse to live their lives on a high and low roller coaster.

If you are involved or married to a bipolar person you will need to be strong and stable, at the least. If you find yourself looking around at other couple's relationships and desire a mate who does not have a manic-depressive personality, the best you can do is get out sooner than later. Life is too precious to waste on a person or situation that cannot be changed to your liking. Get up - get out - and get on with your life.