Life in a Classroom

Appearing in all sizes, shapes, colors, and even odors, they invade and inhabit rooms every day throughout the country. They snicker, snort, sniff, giggle, guffaw, gripe, and sometimes even learn. Ah, yes, they are students! They pave the steps for tomorrow's society, while weaving and leaving their legacy long after the rest of us retire into reminiscence. Having invested decades of my existence in the same academic abode of these young hearts and minds, I have observed and catalogued a cornucopia of characters, making each of my days with them challenging, frustrating, exciting, and, yes, fully rewarding. Were I ever to immortalize these adolescent charges into a book, it would be quite a colorful catalogue, and it might go something like this.

Mandy Motion. What school day would be complete with the one who climbs the walls (or makes me want to climb one!), sniffs the markers, and frequents the bathroom, and that is all before roll is taken. Little Miss Motion enters the class in a perpetual dervish around other students, as well as the teacher's desk. If it is the latest juicy gossip, it will be on her tongue; if it is loose on any desk, it will be in her hand. This wandering whirlwind will eventually settle somewhere, at least for a nanosecond or two, but her stationary status cannot last long with all the commotion generated by her locomotion.

Wayne Whiner. "Oooooh, are we doing that, agaiiiin?!" intones the voice of this bundle of bliss each morning. Yes, anything coming his way in the form of an assignment, activity, or mere suggestion is met by a forlorn sigh from this one. This laptop of lethargy tends to dread anything that smacks of learning and certainly resists any function that might make him actually have to listen, stand, or, worst of all, move around the room. Even the class-ending bell cannot excite this apoplexy of apathy as he grunts and groans, grabs his belongings, and trudges off to his second period gym class. Good luck to the PE teacher who has to work with this mass of moaning mediocrity.

Patricia Preoccupied. School could not be a greater interruption in the life of this darling diva. "Sorry, Sally," she speaks into her surgically attached cell phone, "class is about to begin, so I'll have to catch ya later." Then, moving through the door toward her desk, she must, of course, pull out her mirror and lip gloss to do a touch-up before geometry class begins. Disregarding the drone of Mr. What's-his-name, Trisha seems more concerned about the shape and angle of her facial features than those in the textbook as she narcissistically narrows her focus in her makeup mirror. Yes, this self-absorbed sweetie is aware of everything around her...except today's math lesson.

Sean Cynosure. Could anything more important, more captivating, more monumental meander into the classroom than this icon of egotism! Though he never actually utters, "Hey, everyone, look at me!" he doesn't have to. The strut by which he graces us with his aura, the wink he flashes to a classroom cutie, and the "Hey, Teach!" he exclaims to the irritated instructor all communicate this King's entrance to his court. And as class continues, he will ensure all attention is showered on him by his quips, flirtations, or this self-aggrandizing commentary: "Could any class be more boring!" Yes, Sean, we all know you are here, as does the rest of the universe.

Sarah Seeker. What is this? Could it be! Behold, it is actually someone who wants to learn!!" Though immediately dubbed nerd by her peers, this aspiring adolescent seeks knowledge, desires direction, and loves learning. While so many others barely care about the who,what, and how of their instruction, this searching scholar actually has the academic audacity to ask "Why?" Some snicker, "Oh, what a kiss-up!" Maybe. Maybe not. Something is certain, though: Such students do exist and do enrich the classroom milieu by their compelling curiosity.

For better or worse, I have seen them all, these comprising just a sampling from my compendium of classroom characters. Yet, somehow, my career would not have been as enjoyable or satisfying had it not intersected with the lives of such young people. Their energy, their potential, and, yes, even their incessant irritations made it all worth while. Most will mature through these ephemeral phases of life into well-adjusted members of society. Others may well bear those same behaviors throughout life. My one abiding hope would be, however, that they all find and settle into their niche in the world, taking with them whatever they learned in or outside the classroom.