Life in the Fast Lane Has Taken a Toll on Relationships

In New Orleans, many years ago, there was a local newspaper that ran a column called "Male Call." The in-depth focus was on issues men were having at the time: work, career, family, socializing -- and of course -- relationships. While these issues weren't always resolved by the column's author, they were put on the public table for dissemination, and there lay the importance. A surprising number of men were going through intense confusion, frustration and pain when it came to navigating the murky waters of modern life and love. They had a forum to discuss these issues, often anonymously, and gain new perspectives. In today's world of real-time Internet activity, message boards, e-newsletters and beyond, it's easy to forget how difficult it was for men of the past to air their grievances. We're aided now by myriad forums to discuss ideas and hopefully solve problems. We have it made in the shade ... or do we?

Less Time, More Information
Much like the increased success of USA Today after it changed to its "more information in less space" format, every waking, information-gathering day now is filled with a seemingly endless stream of sound bytes, one-liners and quick imagery. Information is carte blanche for the masses, and this comes with great advantages. As men searching for advice on life and love, we can sift through information providers until we find the ones -- or one -- we trust most. We have the technology-facilitated ability to hone in on jackpots of advice. The downside to this, though, is that we also can bypass sources until we settle with the ones which agree with us; we seek the ones which validate our own, individual opinions. It's like turning down qualified psychiatrist after psychiatrist until we settle on the sofa of the one who agrees with us fully, the one who says we are in the right.

I agree that having vast amounts of information about relationships at our fingertips is can be extremely positive, but I also argue that it comes at a price. The detriment to us as men today is taking the wrong advice, advice that we (too) easily obtained. Unlike the old adage that nothing worth doing is easy, we take the paths more traveled. We find a nugget of "wisdom" and don't look back. In the current era of blogs, etc., we placate ourselves with the opinion of someone else - someone often with no true experience or credentials - and perpetuate the cycle of incorrect behavior by implementing their advice in our daily (and very real) lives. I realize the irony of my saying this on a Web forum; trust me, I do. I'm not an expert, and I don't have a Ph.D. in psychology or sociology. I'm just a 27-year-old guy who has been in and out of love several times, a guy who also seeks happiness and enduring companionship. I am not giving any specific relationship advice, however. I'm advocating for a return to thought deeper than the gleaning of a Web posting from a stranger whose situation IS NOT yours. It may sound like it is, but we are all snowflakes, right? We had different childhoods, different travels, different dreams and different nightmares. I think we need to accept today's technology for what it is, but I also think we need to re-realize our roots. We've strayed from where we began as men. Some of this is positive evolution, but some of this is regression. How often today - with all of the ever-increasing daily distractions - do we sit back and reflect on the thoughts and feelings of those around us? I believe that's the first step to happiness in our relationships.

Back to the Basics
Certain things are timeless classics: a Van Gogh painting, a Swiss Army knife or a '57 Chevy. They face the test of time, and they persevere. The same should hold true with man. We face time and we face challenges, and we - for better or worse - endure. The difference is that unlike the examples of other classics, we change. We evolve. This is nature, and it's good, but there should be a compromise, one that can help us modern men with the crises we face today with life and love. I can't argue that working with today's technology is not a necessity, but a recent pattern has surfaced that I can't ignore. You may agree, but I believe if we all spent more time looking into the mirror and less time gazing into our laptops, we'd be better for it. We would spend more time interacting with ourselves and others and learning (trial and error) the lessons of love than we would rifling through Web pages in search of relationship advice, which perhaps is why you are here.

Love helps and love hurts, but the pursuit of it keeps us going. We recognize that we're not perfect; we can just get out there and represent ourselves as best we can ... and this is the point of my thoughts today ... that we need to make time to take in the world instead of watching it unfold on screens.