Life with Heart Disease, Without Fear

"Do not fear those who kill the body but are unable to kill the soul; but rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." says Matthew 10:28 in the Holy Bible, and again, "But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed, has authority to cast into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him! says Luke 12:5.

These verses, admonishing me to fear God and God alone (as the only One Who has the authority to cast my soul in to hell), also comforts me when I realize I don't have to fear evil men, even those intent on killing me. But I realized something more. I discovered that I can also live with illness, like heart disease, without fear.

I found myself unexpectedly in the hospital for a week recently. After significant chest pain that just wouldn't quit, test after test was done and finally it was discovered that my left anterior descending artery, one of three main arteries in the heart, was 99% blocked.

The doctor stented it, and I thought that was that. But he also found blood clots. And I was made to understand that I have cardiac artery disease, not just a one time thing that is now fixed, like a broken leg. I was as weak as a kitten, and I'd been told bluntly that despite my best efforts there are no guarantees. (Update: After just a few months, the stent blocked up with severe scar tissue. In the end of June, I had another trip to the ER, another heart catheterization, and another stent, put right inside the first one... if this one doesn't work, open heart bypass surgery is next). After seeing my father's downward spiral and death from this condition, I felt intimidated. Ok, let's be honest, I was afraid. My very heart was betraying me! If you can't trust your own heart to have your best interests at, um, heart, who can you trust?

But God reminded me, through verses such as 2 Corinthians 12:9, which says, "And He has said to me,' "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me," that God's heart is big enough for the both of us, and His heart works just fine. I am in His Hands, as I ever have been, and as long as I fear Him, I don't have to fear heart disease. "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." says Proverbs 9:10. I don't have to understand everything, as long as I know He does.

if I fear the Lord my God, and serve only Him, to paraphrase Deuteronomy 6:13, I not only don't have to fear evil men, I also don't have to fear illness or disease. They also can only kill the body.

Eventually I will die physically, if not of heart disease then of something else. But, just as I don't have to fear illness, I don't have to fear death. Jesus, God's Son, went through that door before me, and He broke the lock from the inside. ("O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" 1 Corinthians 15:55 says). I already have eternal life. I am in this life as His servant and as long as I have work to do here, He will preserve my life here. When I am done with my work here, He will take me home and reward me. It is a blessing, no longer a curse. While I remain, I can serve Him wholeheartedly, and "When I am afraid, I will put my trust in (God)." Psalms 56:3. And that is how, though living with heart disease, I can live without fear.

Sources: Holy Scriptures