Life Lessons from My Dad - Or, How I Grew Up in Spite of Myself

I have been a store line executive with large retailers for years, and through that time I have had the opportunity to administer job performance reviews to many fine young people. I am a believer that each individual does something well, and I do my best to recognize that fact in each and every review I write. I always end each dialogue on a positive note and inevitably, I get a "Thank You" from the associate. I always tell them, "Don't thank me, thank your parents". We all have certain innate traits that make us who we are, but it's our parents who take those traits and mold them into something viable. Everyone has had some person that influences the way that they expurgate the bad traits, and help us bring out the best in ourselves. That person in my life was my dad.

I can pay homage to the females who helped set up the guidelines that I navigate my existence by, (and I have been fortunate to have a few top notch guides), but I really owe the way I conduct my business as a man, to my father, who has always spoke louder with actions than words.

But the real lessons I learned from him are the ones that truly show the mettle of a man. The lessons of accountability when we make mistakes and the responsibility of life!

I won't bore you with details of why, who or where, but let me summat in a brief bio. Dad married mom, dad and mom divorce a few years later, mom passes away, I live with dad and my grandmother, grandmother passes away, dad remarries, I move out, I get married years later, my wife and I have kids, step mom passes away, I have marital problems..........

Throughout my life, my dad held firm in the way he conducted his life, and ipso facto, I have found the same to be true with me. I don't claim to be the same as him, no in fact, I am only like him certain ways. But it's the rules of engagement in the war on life that I have received from him:

*Be accountable for your actions- If you made a mistake, admit it, learn from it, and move on.

*If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem- In other words, be involved and get your hands dirty when you need to.

*Be there when you're needed- he always was for me, and I try to do the same.

*You don't always have to tell someone you love them- but you have to always make sure they know you do, whether by action or deed.

*Keep your commitments- whether it's the responsibility of a job, or a promise to your child, a man is only as good as his word.

*Stand up for yourself- if you don't, who will.

*If you fall, get right back up- it only hurts for a little while

*Be a teacher- you can do this by always remembering that you will always be a student

*Don't be afraid- just don't be stupid

*Be a man!

Throughout my life, I only heard my dad tell me that he loved me once, and that was under duress. I only heard him say he was sorry, maybe, a handful of times, because, I believe, that why should he be sorry for something he said or did, he felt it was right at the time. I never saw him express affection in any fashion, but maybe it's a private thing to him. These are the three main areas where I am the polar opposite of my father, yet, as much as I always wanted to experience these things with him, I always knew that love, remorse and affection were in him. Now, in his senior years, I make the same queries that people in my position do, about their parents, especially their paternal units. The main one I state when he is playing with my children is, "that's not the man I grew up with". I don't know, maybe he was, but I just didn't notice until now.

Any parent knows that you handle your own kids differently, mainly because you're working on a distillation process. Parents try to set up the filters their children will need to be successful in life, the best way they know how; by establishing the rules of engagement! I grew up feeling all the assorted emotions towards my dad that most boys feel, from fear to resentment and from love to sorrow. But for everything life and I have put him through, he has held his head up, and never wavered once. He stayed his course and can be proud of how he handled himself. Was he always right in how he approached things? No. A lot of times he needed some guidance as well. But, in the end, everything evens out. I watch how he is with his grandchildren and how he dotes on them, and yet, still imparts his philosophy on them. He never was one to give you a safety net, but he helped you make your own. He would never apologize for me, but gave me the strength to do it myself. He would never tell you the answer, but he would always show you the way. Now that I have reached that point in my life, where I am now in the shoes that he once wore; that of parent and mentor, and have the tools that he gifted to me, I can proudly say that "I am a man", thanks dad.