Life Lessons Learned from Horror Movies

Popular media has always displayed the best and the worst of human nature. Some of life's best lessons are reflected in popular movies and television shows. Horror films, in particular depict some of the most unusual though commonsensical lessons to learn if one pays particular attention to the story instead of being side tracked by all the screaming and gore. Lesson's about proper social behavior are quite prominately displayed in horror films, perhaps as the moral to immoral behavior, Were the filmmakers trying to make a point? Let's take a look at some of the lessons found in horror movies that we take for granted though we use them every single day.

1.Always stay with the group. Especially in unfamiliar surroundings. Everyone SHOULD know this one if they've ever been on a field trip or group tour. Ever notice the first person to be mashed to death, have their brains eaten, or loose a body part is the guy who wandered off by himself?
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2. Indiscriminate sex can kill you. MOST people learned this in health class, but there is always that one horn dog who insists on doing it in some pretty strange places, usually with someone they know absolutely nothing about. Hence, the character that is offed by the hot chick at the club who turns out to be a blood sucking vampire or body morphing man eating tiger. (This might be a metaphore for STD's)

3. When entering into a dark room, turn the light on lest you hurt yourself. An asstute observation to be sure. How many people walk into a dark, unfamiliar room when the lights won't work? But there is always that one guy who is anxious to prove he isn't scared of the dark even when he knows the room could be filled with undead zombies anxious to eat his brain.

4. Don't go into a strangershouse. Anybody remember your mom telling you this when you were selling girl scout cookies? Alas, there is always that one or two nosy bodies who just have to go into the dark, deserted, condemned house even when the sign says KEEP OUT. There is a reason that sign is there. Common manners dictate that if you don't know the people who live in the house, you shouldn't go in.

5. Leave other people's stuff ALONE. I'm pretty sure everyone learned this in Kindergarten. If it's not yours, don't touch it. Afterall, I'm sure there is a perfectly good reason why someone buried that creepy looking statue 3000 feet below ground in a sealed off chamber filled with boobie traps and covered by 400 tons of sand.

6. Abuse of alchol or other substances is not good for your health. Especially when your wandering around in the woods in your underwear. It impairs your judgement and your senses. How are you going to know if those little ugly squirel looking things are really servants of evil or not if your stoned?

7. Always be a good listener. What can it hurt to pay attention to the ramblings of that old deranged street person, or the litle kid that can barely talk but really seems to be trying to express something? At the least you'll come away with the makings of a good short story. You know, crazy people really aren't as bad as the movies make them out to be. In fact, they are usually the only ones who know what's going on.

Other less common, but still interesting lessons to be learned from Horror movies include the following:

1. If confronted with a psycho killer and you somehow manage to get the weapon he is weilding against you away from him, KILL HIM WITH IT. Don't just stand there and think about it, this guy wants you dead and possibly in his soup.

2. Hillbillies are scary. Stay away from them at all costs. And they don't take too kindly to trespassers either so if your broke down on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, stay on the road ok.

3. Dead people are tempermental. Don't piss them off by trying to shoot them or chop off their body parts. The best way to take care of the undead is to completely incinerate them so they can't keep coming back by using a blowtorch, or a giant furnace.

4. Aliens have unusual ways of communicating. If confronted by a huge, freaky looking alien who is drooling and screaching at you, GO THE OTHER WAY. There is no sense in trying to make them understand you just want to be friends. These guys don't want to be your friends, they just want to eat you. (just like that big bully in highschool).

5. If you hear something bumping around upstairs in the dark, late at night, call the police. Don't try to investigate it by yourself, or send your kid brother up there to check it out either, that's just mean.

6. Making friends is good for you. It also doesn't hurt to remain on friendly terms with the wierd chick inyour college Lit. class that seems to know all about wierd superstitions either. It's always the wierd chick that figures out how to get rid of whatever nasty supernatural being that is chasing you.

7. Turn the television OFF at night. Not only does it save electricity, but it also keeps out all those pesky unwanted late night visitors like poltergeists, ghosts of vengeful people buried in wells and the pervert upstairs who is watching you through a tiny camera he placed in it while you were out.

8. Some people just want attention. Though some people try to get it in some really strange ways such as acting out the biblical account of the seven deadly sins or creating some kind of macrabe art with human flesh and a chainsaw.

9. If you are too old to play with dolls, THROW THEM AWAY. Enough said.

10. Stepparents are evil. Plain and simple. These folks need to be checked out thouroughly by the FBI before being allowed to consort with small children.

And last but not least,

11. Garlic is good for EVERYTHING, except maybe your breath on a first date. Which is ok if your date turns out to be a bloodsucking, flesh eating freak anyway.