Life Lessons: The Perfect Mother, Isn't

My mother passed away after a very long illness. It is my personal and firm belief that she is well, happy and creating beautiful havoc some where on another close by existence. But this is about my mom and perhaps some other mothers when they were or are spending time on earth with us.

There is no doubt in my heart and my mind that my mother loves me and always has. I have no regrets where our relationship is concerned. I choose to share this side of my mom so that others may realize they are not alone and most definitely not unloved. With that being said, I was never quite up to par.

Allow me to share some examples. I had a mole smack dab in the middle of my chin. As near as I can tell, I was born with it. It was not like there was a medical issue. It wasn't a large mole. It was just there.

One day when I was twelve years old my mother told me, "You know, I hate that mole on your face. Whenever I look at you I see that mole." She didn't mean any harm. It wasn't said in anger. It was just my mom.

I began saving my money to have the mole removed. We lived in a small town and it was a long time ago. I called our local doctor's office, there may have been three in town, and asked how much money I needed to have a mole removed.

When I may enough money I called the doctor and made an appointment. In today's world, with insurance and lawyers it never could have happened. But the kind doctor took my money and my mole was traded for a few stitches.

I went home to show mom. She simply said, "Oh, you would rather have a scar than a mole. It is your face."

Wow, what a lesson. Every action has a trade off and a consequence. Now mom wouldn't see the mole, just the scar. It had nothing to do with her love for me, that was true and steady.

Much later in life my sister and I were planning a visit home. It was a 16 hour drive. We laughed a little as we talked about how Mom always commented on how bad our hair looked upon arrival.

We devised a plan. I was going a day early and half the children with me. We would stop at the rest area right out of town and spruce up us and the kids. Both my sister and I purchased hats to help cover the obvious issues that 16 hours in a car causes. We left so we would arrive mid-afternoon driving straight through. We got out of the car. Mom gave us all a hug and expressed her love. Then she looked at me and said "That hat doesn't even match your car." I laughed till I cried. She gave me an odd look and headed off with the grandkids. I called my sister, in case she wanted to purchase another color hat. She was just happy to know what would be wrong.

I imagine some who are reading this believe my mother was not perfect. That would be accurate. Some may even call her mean, but nothing was said in a mean spirited way. Perhaps that is the perception, but there was never a question about her unconditional love for me, even if I had a mole, a scar, the wrong colored hat and thousands of other things over a life time.

But here is the lesson. Love is what made my mom the one mom that I really needed. I was never up to par, and she loved me anyway. What a blessing.

If you are lucky enough to have a mother who loves you no matter what - her imperfections can be forgiven as well.