Life in Pain

I live each day in a state of chronic pain. I have been tested for everything from lupus to hypothyroidism. Every test has come back negative. I have spent more time and money than I should ever even need to account for telling and retelling my symptoms to different doctors so that I might find some relief.

I am exhausted all of the time. Even when I first wake up in the morning, I feel very tired. My body aches -just about all over. My neck hurts, both shoulders hurt. My forearms feel like they are in knots and the palms of my hands have an ache that makes it hard to use a pencil or pen. Moving on down, my thighs and quadriceps feel like I spent hours in the weight room...every single day. Add to all of this, an annoying tight feeling that stays within the connective tissues around my knees. Last of all, my feet ache in a way that I can't even begin to describe.

Along with the pain and exhaustion, I have moments where I can't think at all. I have occasional migraines. Sinus and ear infections plague me year round and I constantly suffer from some type of stomach problem.

When I first started trying to get help for all of this, doctors would perform a series of tests, but I would also hear about how I was "too young to have so much wrong with me." It didn't get any better when the tests would come back normal. At that point, most doctors would tell me I was probably depressed and send me on my way with a prescription for an antidepressant. Was I depressed? Probably so, but who wouldn't be if they hurt and were tired all the time. The antidepressants never really solved anything...I took them, but I was still tired all the time and I was still hurting. I went through this cycle five or six times over the span of two to three years. I was also told that if I would lose weight, all of my problems would disappear.

Finally, at one appointment, my history was being taken by a nurse who was working on coursework and clinicals to become a Nurse Practitioner. When I described all of this to her, she said, "You know, it sounds like you have fibromyalgia." She gave me a few ideas for managing the symptoms. I felt like I had a little bit of hope for getting help for all of my problems.

I have since read everything I could possibly find on fibromyalgia. I have found that my symptoms and the symptoms of fibromyalgia match up. And, I am doing all that I can to keep myself going. I try to give myself eight to ten hours of sleep each night. In addition, I take naps during the day if I feel tired. Many hours have been spent researching the current medical treatment for fibromyalgia...and while I have found that the symptoms cannot be cured, it is possible to manage them. Massages feel wonderful, so I try to have one at least every other week. I keep a monthly chiropractic appointment which seems to help tremendously. Hot tub soaks are also good for me. When I am in a lot of pain, they do make me feel less pain and I am able to function a little better. Last, light exercise does help me. I do occasional water aerobics and light stretching.

I look at each day as a fight round. It's me against the monster that we think is fibromyalgia. Some days, I win...other days, fibromyalgia gets the upper hand. I know that my life will never be the same as it was before I started experiencing the pain and tiredness that I know now, but I also know that I will never give up living my life.