Like an Incense Stick

Although our thoughts, attitudes, intentions and feelings are not visible, they do have an effect. They permeate the atmosphere and influence the mood in a room, like the aroma from an incense stick, curling through the air; negative thoughts and intentions or a less than generous attitude release a heavy pungent odour like an incense stick. It has been a quite long time now since the time I promised myself to be more confident and raise my self-esteem. I am pretty sure as soon as I start with kind thoughts, beneficial intentions, or an understanding attitude I will create a fragrant aroma, uplifting the atmosphere and my destiny.

What atmosphere am I creating? What incense am I buying? I don't believe in humanity in general and this is a starting point; I should start thinking of my ability and take care of what I can do and not to try to change the world. I believe in the individual, for so, I should start looking for what I can change and nothing else - no world peace or justice in the Italian Republic of Bananas for instance.

During my short life away from the Italian borders I have investigated a multitude of Italian political issues, religions and scientific subjects, from Berlusconi propaganda to lack of freedom of press and justice in my former country of residence. I was born there and every single day I am ashamed how people react, think and support one of the most important criminal minds of our contemporary history. Italian society has been changing in the last twenty years becoming a country of ignorant naked women broadcasted on TV and mediocre footballers and actors. The evolution of the ordinary Italian man pushed the intelligent neurobiologist, writer or doctor away from Italy where they can understand ability and appreciate knowledge. I have read innumerable newspaper articles on how Italy is corrupted, how society is still seeking meritocracy and justice. Among all the different causes that pushed me away from Italy, the one for which he is perhaps best remembered is the lack of meritocracy. I am an exile doctor who can get a job in Italy because I am not a friend of the 'Establishment'. Stemming from the time I was in Italy when I was imprisoned in a local newspaper, my articles were judged and revised following 'the code of conduct' of the Novarese Industry. While I was reporting on local issues for the 'Industry' I was feeling like a captured reporting undercover on the 1936 Spanish civil war. I was like Koestler who spent months under threat of death and witnessed the executions of many fellow prisoners, which deeply affected him. To judge from my lyrical papers of that summer 1999 when I left Italy forever it was a fateful decision. I was possessed by my fierce passion to fight Italian narrowminded mentality and shortsighted culture. Furthermore, I entered into a mania so completely that I bonded in a wholly new way. I began to refer to my project started in Aix-en-Provence as a folie à gogo. I was enthralled.

My first day in Aix-en-Provence, it was a very hotty summer. I sat in my newly decorated study in the residence I rented, curled up in the armchair beside the fireplace. Every bit of space was covered with books. I have been living for years and the library grew in every corner of my rented flat. I worked frantically through that first month of August and into September too. Whenever I broke for lunch at the closest brasserie or went for a drink, I would engage the publican and his customers in a discussion about Italy unfairness and lack of freedom. They were just telling me how Italy went out at penalties against France at the world cup the year before. My quest for cultured people started in other places. For me it was a "magical" summer. I was in love with my new challenge, new life and new discoveries but this is another story.