Lindsay (Lohan) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Month

Those of us who have raised children in the last quarter century are well acquainted with Alexander, the little boy in the Judith Viorst classic children's book who woke up one morning on the metaphorical wrong side of the bed. "I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there's gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard... and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day."

We've all had mornings like that, morning we knew the minute we opened our sleep-crusted eyes that our whole day was a disaster before we even shuffled into the kitchen and discovered there were ants in the oatmeal box. Tragically, though, Lindsay (known to herself and her publicist by her first name alone, to the rest of the world as Lindsay Lohan) has had many such bad days recently. In fact, Lindsay Lohan has had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad month!

Lindsay Lohan is Accused of Being a Milk Addict by E*Trade

Despite many trips to posh rehab centers that resulted in little more than enriching their owners, actress Lindsay Lohan was so sure that E*Trade Financial Corp. modeled a character in its Superbowl TV commercial on her, referring to one of the babies named Lindsay as a "milkaholic," she sued the company for $100 million.

Although the E*Trade baby looked nothing like her, Lindsay Lohan sued E*Trade on the grounds that the amusing TV commercial, part of a popular E*Trade series using adult-sounding babies, invoked her "likeness, name, characterization, and personality" without her permission.

It could be that E*Trade didn't get Lindsay Lohan's permission to use her "likeness" because the financial services firm would have had to get the permission of all the other millions of Lindsay's born in the last three decades who didn't look like the baby either, many of whom have also been addicted to drugs and alcohol. Still, the commercial got Lindsay Lohan's year off to a bad start, so E*Trade should probably take some responsibility and, at the very least, offer her a few free stock trades. (Do you think the E*Trade commercial modeled its baby after Lindsay Lohan? See video here and decide for yourself.)

Lindsay Lohan Could Be Banned from India

As if being lampooned by an American corporation wasn't bad enough, a whole country disrespected Lindsay Lohan recently by hinting it might blacklist her from entering its borders in the future as the result of a little visa violation. To Lohan's credit, the talented actress was trying to transcend her clubbing image and lifestyle by shining the spotlight on the plight of India's exploited children. But old habits die hard and Lohan shined the spotlight on herself instead, implying she had personally rescued 40 child workers last December in a raid on a child sweat shop. "Over 40 children saved so far ... Within one day's work ... This is what life is about ... Doing THIS is a life worth living!!!" Lohan Tweeted about the experience, according to an MSNBC report.

The only problem was that others involved in the raid made a big deal over the niggling detail that the raids had occurred before Lindsay arrived on the scene, by which time the victimized children had already been rescued. Topping it off, some bureaucrats in India noticed that Lindsay Lohan had entered the country on a tourist visa but was involved in a BBC documentary on exploitive child labor in India, implying that Lohan should have applied for a work visa instead. Now India is investigating whether to bar Lohan from the country, according to a UK Telegraph report on the snafu, an unusual plight for someone who is used to being on Hollywood's (if not Bollywood's) A-List.

Could Lindsay Lohan be Joining Kathy Griffin on the D-List?

The latest tribulation to ruin Lindsay Lohan's already miserable month of March occurred Thursday night when
the socialite had to wait an interminable 15 minutes to gain entry to a private party at a Los Angeles night club called Trousdale because, in another bureaucratic snafu, her name wasn't on the guest list. According to a New York Post article, Lindsay complained in a rambly Tweet, "I've never been treated so poorly in my life, this is why I never come to LA -- isn't security . . . Aren't they supposed to "protect" us? Rather than man-handle and scare us (girls)?"

Perhaps the only encouragement one can offer Lindsay Lohan, as with anyone going through a rough patch, is Friedrich Nietzsche's classic line, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Unlike Alexander of very bad day fame, at least Lindsay Lohan did not fall asleep with gum in her mouth and wake up with it tangled in her silky blonde or brunette hair (I've lost track)-a small consolation perhaps, but one does have to cling to whatever silver lining she can find, even if it's just the tin foil used to wrap her ham sandwich.

Sources:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35780790/
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/7472033/Lindsay-Lohan-faces-ban-from-India.html
http://www.popeater.com/2010/03/09/lindsay-lohan-e-trade-commercial/
http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/la_india_don_want_lohan_vZccWTTK0gQGvTgLHmBCzM