List of Possible Victims Should I Choose to Become a Serial Killer

I feel that I should explain the following list a bit before I get myself arrested, killed or worse. What happened is that I met this girl on-line (come on guys, you all do it) and in her first e-mail she asked me if I was a serial killer. Of course I'm not. And even if I was, I'd be a pretty bad one at that if I would admit being one on simple request. In later mails and when we met, the whole serial killer thing rapidly became a recurring subject and one day, with way too much time on my mind and way too little to do, I decided to make a fictional (I can't stress this one word enough) list of potential victims. If you haven't made it to the list, don't worry, I'm sure I'll find a category for you as well......

1. The next person who says 'AWESOME'. While traveling, you meet all kinds of people, but a cup of coffee is just nice, or tasty, but never ever 'awesome', no matter which country you're from.

2. The next person who asks me where I'm from, where I'm traveling to, where I've been, how long I will be traveling and thinks it really cool that I'm from Belgium but obviously doesn't even have a clue whether such a country does even exist.

3. Germans. Just because. And yes, they started it.

4. Anyone without any sense of humor whatsoever. And yes, that definitely include the Germans again (except for those 2 German girls I dated for a while, they were pretty cool).

5. Barney. A purple furry dinosaur that haunts the telly and teaches kids atrocious songs has got no right of living whatsoever.

6. Ronald Mac. Donald. Worst dressed clown ever. A giant orange wig? Those striped socks? I mean, come on, get real. Shouldn't a clown be funny and make you laugh? A 'Happy Meal'? Have you ever seen the fries smiling? 'Pathetic Meal' more likely.

7. Brazilian men. The mere thought of traveling through Brazil and only meeting Brazilian women is enough to justify this one. Except for their soccer players, of course, I still want them to win the next World Cup.

8. Every single woman that refused or will refuse to sleep with me even when I ask them very nicely, no matter how drunk I am. Come on, I did say 'please' ....

9. My French teacher who never saw the true genius in my work and didn't like my final exam, although I'm pretty sure it could have become a classic and was definitely up there with Les Miserables or La Peste and now denied the world a possible masterpiece.

10. Brad Pitt. Just for being so damn perfect and being the coolest person in this and probably quite a few other universes. Just to see who'd come to his funeral. As a bonus we'd be shown pictures of a grieving Angelina and 24/7 re-runs of Fight Club.

11. Horrible writers that make millions by writing horrible books.

12. Horrible singers that make millions by singing horrible songs.

13. Celine Dion (do I really need to comment on that????).

14. That guy I met in the bar the other night who asked for a beer and promised me he'd buy me one the next night and didn't.

15. The referee that denied Belgium a perfectly valid goal against Brazil in the World Cup which would have caused a major upset and robbed us from world fame and was actually responsible for the decline of Belgian soccer there after.

Again, this list is purely fictional and by no means complete. No animals or people (not even Germans) have been harmed while compiling this.