Living with an AC Addict

Before December my household ran like a multinational organization. Everything was under control. After all, the fridge was full with unhealthy food, the bathroom positively sparkled and the house was dust free.The yard looked like a well maintained park. I even had plans to send Christmas cards to friends and family. With handwritten letters about my clean and organized life. Before December we even had a social life. All this came to a screeching halt on the 21 of December. I remember that day vividly. It all started out so well......

Since I was the very last person on Earth to get my hands on a computer, I was delighted to finally enter the 21th Century as well. The rest of the world had been emailing like mad, of course, totally unnoticed by me. I still wrote my letters by hand, and went to the post office to mail them. And if I wanted to talk to someone I hopped in the car to visit in person. With hindsight I must have been the most annoying friend anyone can have. People are not expecting real visitors anymore; and nobody wants be caught out in their pajama's at 2 in the afternoon.

So when my brother had installed my computer he congratulated me. And gave the advise to read a book called "Computer language for Dummies". Since I hardly ever take sensible advise, I declined, exclaiming loudly that "I knew all about it and did he think I had no intelligence at all?" My brother pointed at my new toy and said: "Well, how do you turn the thing on then?"(he knows me from way,way back and inside out). I looked at the blank screen and said that we had an electricity-fault. I bundled him out of the house quickly. And went to the library to get myself some info here. The book I took was called something like: "How to set up websites for most advanced technical wizards". The lady at the library looked at me as if I were Einstein reincarnated. At home I couldn't even read past the first page. After taking an aspirin I decided that self- education in this field was not going to be an easy ride.

Finally I had the thing going. The first thing I did was email everybody in town and far beyond. Because if you want emails, this is not going to happen if you don't email them first. So I got that circus on the road first. After this I looked at my blank screen again. I hit the other button. Google. Perhaps some interaction with websites would be nice to fill up my day. After all, my household was running smoothly so I had the time.(then back in December).

And Google I did. Name the subject and I Googled it until my fingers fell off. My husband was amazed at all the sudden knowledge I accumulated, the neighbors looked at me in stunned silence as I sprouted my new-found wisdom. And the complicated systems at Google were getting overheated.

Then around the 21 December I finally found a website that had it all. "Associated Content The People"s Media" . I had no idea (and still haven't) what the association was with but the signing up was easy, and didn't cost me. That was important too, because if I can save myself even 1 penny I go for it. So I signed up with AC. And started happily tapping away.

In January folks started complaining that they hadn't received Christmas cards. The Insurance company started complaining that I hadn't paid them and what if I died, they wouldn't pay me out for my own funeral. My family started complaining they were hungry and thirsty, and not as well clothed in designer labels as before. My hubby secretly delighted as he could finally watch his sports on TV without interruptions and drink as much beer as he liked, but his complaint was that he couldn't see it properly because I hadn't cleaned the TV screen for weeks. But he did get a happy wife, and that's something.

So while my family is wading through the dust I'm writing away the hours previously filled with nonsense like housecleaning, shopping and gardening. I have more important things to do now and life is short. I have no time for showers, brushing my teeth and watching "Lost" on TV. The neighbors have to start living their lives now without my pearls of wisdom. The cats have to start catching mice and earn their living.

So here I am, smelly, hungry and clothed in designer-rags. When I looked out the window this morning, I think I saw a goat munching its way through my 6ft high grass growing in my front lawn. Someone must have put it there, without me noticing. And I am still happily tapping away........ The life of an AC addict.