Living with the Affects of Abuse - Flashbacks

Living with the affects of Abuse - Flash Backs during sleep.

It should be noted that this article is not written from the viewpoint of a doctor, but rather that of a survivor.

Many people think that once you've walked away from your abuser, be it something that happened in childhood, or later in life, that it's over and done with. That you can close the door and move on in life, never looking back, just shrugging off whatever happened, or going through a few weeks, or perhaps months, of counseling, and the survivor will be fine.

It's often not the case. There are something's that anyone who dates, lives with, raises, or marries an abuse survivor should be aware of. It's just as vital for these people to know what is going on, as it is for the survivor herself. Take the time to know what happened to the person you're with, and keep their experiences in mind.

In this section I'd like to deal with one common emotional issues that many survivors deal with. Flashbacks, be it from sexual, emotional, or physical abuse. There are often flashbacks. Words, situations, noises, smells, something that triggers an opening of a door in the back of the survivors mind. Thrusting them into a memories of the past. For a moment, perhaps longer, they're back in that situation. Reliving it. Experiencing it once again. Some quickly learn to distinguish between reality and the memory, but it often doesn't prevent the wave of emotions that can be overwhelming. In worse case scenarios a flash back can push a survivor into fight or flight mode, at the lowest end of the spectrum they can be little more than nightmares and poor sleep.

I say little more, but anyone who has had a bad nights sleep will know that the following day is hard, the body drags, tempers and headaches flare up. In someone going through nightmare's one night a week or more, then the day to day side effects build up rapidly. Steps can be taken to help someone through nightmares, but there are some things that should be remembered.

Don't brutally awaken someone from a nightmare. Try to pull them out gently. Rub their arm, talk softly, let them know who is there. Keep repeating your name and that they are safe. If they are thrashing about in bed do not try and restrain them, it can only cause the dreamer to fight back all the harder, you might be feeding into the very images in their dream, but continue to be calm and steady as you call them back to you. Help them to focus on breathing, find a mantra (a repeated phrase or series of phrases) that work, and stick to it. That can be a life line out of the grip of the flash back.

Flash backs can be debilitating. And they can be made worse by how those around the survivor react to them. Seeing someone go through them can leave the watcher feeling helpless and leave them floundering, uncertain what to do next in order to help their loved one, or friend, out of the horror they appear to be reliving.

It's not uncommon for someone to cry, weep, or even apologize for the flash back when they come out of it. Let them know it's not their fault, that you in no way blame them and you're ready to listen when they're ready to talk.

I'm not going to paint this out to be an easy situation. It's not. If someone you know is going through repeated flashbacks support them and gently suggest that they seek professional help, but when you do so do not make it sound like you'll walk away from them if they don't. Professional help is only one step, and it doesn't always stop the flash backs, but professional councilors are trained to help people through these and might also be able to teach you how to help your loved one.