Living with Alcoholism: Part Four

N does the best that she can. I think she's a wonderful mother for the situation that she's in. She loves her children and tries to protect them in the only ways that she is able to. Unfortunately, the relationship with her husband is beyond repair. N and D got married shortly after N gave birth to C in 1989. Their union has always been rocky and filled with challenges. His jealous and almost paranoid nature intrudes on N's personal life as he constantly accuses her of having boyfriends on the side. N, however, has finally reached the end of her chain and just wants out. She's desperately trying to get as far from D as she can, but because of J she'll have to keep D in her life.

1. Was there always an addiction or did problems begin after the relationship started?
Was always there.

2. What was your reaction to realizing that he had an alcohol problem?
Didn't react.

3. What is your husband like when he's sober?
Very quiet, not smiling.

4. What is your husband like when he's drunk?
The worst person I know. Very mean, heartless, and could go to the lowest lows.

5. Do you feel comfortable around him?
No.

6. How did you feel whenever your husband went into detox?
Happy at first, but stressed.

7. How did he treat you during his stays there?
Loving and caring on paper, but like s*** when he called. Specially, if he was able to hear voices in the background indicating I had visitors.

8. What was he like when he got out?
Calm and a lot different. The first time he got a job and took care of us. Second time, calm, but awkward. Seemed like he never really took his place again.

9. How did you feel when he would start drinking again?
Like the world ended.

10. Has he ever lied to you in order to gain access to alcohol?
Many times.

11. Has he ever stolen money from you in order to gain access to alcohol?
From me and from our kids.

12. What's the worst thing he's ever done or said to you while intoxicated?
There's nothing he didn't say. Even as far as accusing me of making him drink. The one responsible for his drinking.

13. Is it worse when he goes out drinking, when he's at home drinking, or it doesn't matter?
He doesn't really go out to drink, but I would say it doesn't matter.

14. Have there been any better times, or on the opposite end, worse times than others?
Well sober is better, but I would say that it only got worse and worse as time goes.

15. Do you see him as a husband?
Not anymore.

16. How would you describe your relationship with him?
Just living in a house with a man I don't want around anymore.

17. Does he affect your social life? If so, how?
A lot. We never have visitors anymore. People are uncomfortable around him.

18. In what other ways do you think you and your family have been affected by his alcohol abuse?
It's not a happy home anymore. No more fun together cause if there's no booze then [D] can't have fun and if I'm forced to buy it to have fun well - I get frustrated.

19. What have you done to try and help your husband?
I always supported him when he stopped in every way he needed me to.

20. Is he addicted to anything besides alcohol?
He uses some drugs, but I'm not worried about that. But he tends to play lotteries a lot, buying scratchies.

21. Do you ever see him sobering up?
Yes but never for very long.

22. What would you like to see happen with him?
Just for him to quit drinking, not to engage in other vices of course, and for him to get a job. Just for him to get his life back on track for himself.

23. Would you consider trying to fix your relationship if he did become sober?
It's way too late to turn back now. Too many bad memories, too many bruises.

24. Will you cut him out of your life if he chooses not to sober up?
I won't be able to because of his son, but if I could I would in a heartbeat.