Living with Alcoholism: Part Three

I have known C the longest as he's my good friend, so his answers were less surprising given that we've had many discussions about his dad, but I still felt a pang of sadness when reading his questionnaire. Since D has always favoured J, C has always had less of a happy relationship with him. His dad often criticizes C's behaviour and appearance because C's style resembles that of a gothic punk. However, when they get along, they get along quite well. Their relationship has only gone even further downhill in recent years as D's addiction got worse. Though C never openly reacts to his father's problem, he has admitted that it affects him. When he talks about the situation, I can see the pain and anger reflecting through his eyes. He's far more sensitive to the topic than he lets on and I hate being helpless to assist the family.

1. Do you remember how old you were when you realized there was an alcohol problem?
I can't give a specific age exactly. All I know is that there was always a problem just never as bad as it is now.

2. What was your reaction?
At the time it was okay for me because I didn't see it as a problem per se seeing as I was younger.

3. What is your dad like when he's sober?
He's much more fun to be around. When he jokes, they're actually funny jokes, and it's much easier to talk to him.

4. What is your dad like when he's drunk?
He's a completely different person. Depending on how much he's been drinking, his mood varies. He treats everyone around him horridly including his wife and children.

5. Do you feel comfortable around him?
No. Never.

6. How did you feel whenever your dad went into detox?
I had a bit of hope that all of this would be over, and I was happy.

7. How did he treat you during his stays there?
We didn't really have contact with him, but he was nice when we talked over the phone.

8. What was he like when he got out?
Just like when he was sober, except for longer.

9. How did you feel when he would start drinking again?
Really upset and angry. I would hate him for it.

10. Has he ever lied to you in order to gain access to alcohol?
On many occasions

11. Has he ever stolen money from you in order to gain access to alcohol?
Again, on many occasions. Still does to this day.

12. What's the worst thing he's ever done or said to you while intoxicated?
Too many to write down, to be quite honest. On a recent note, he told me to go to Hell. He also said that I wasn't his son.

13. Is it worse when he goes out drinking, when he's at home drinking, or it doesn't matter?
Doesn't matter because he drinks either way and ends up at home anyway.

14. Have there been any better times, or on the opposite end, worse times than others?
They all seem to blend into one horrid nightmare so it's hard to distinguish different times.

15. Do you see him as a father?
Not anymore, and I've told him to his face.

16. How would you describe your relationship with him?
Broken...a constant battle ground...never-ending heartache.

17. Does he affect your social life? If so, how?
Not really because I don't really have one when I live at home.

18. In what other ways do you think you and your family have been affected by his alcohol abuse?
We've hit rock bottom a few times. Had money problems. He's driven our friends away and broken up the family.

19. What have you done to try and help your dad?
The only thing I really could do...loved and supported him 100%.

20. Is he addicted to anything besides alcohol?
Cigarettes and sleep.

21. Do you ever see him sobering up?
No. I've given up all hope of that ever happening.

22. What would you like to see happen with him?
For him to straighten up his life, sober up, and pay off all of his debts to everyone.

23. Would you consider trying to fix your relationship if he did become sober?
Depends on when and if that happens really.

24. Will you cut him out of your life if he chooses not to sober up?
I'm not afraid to, yes, cut him out. I'd do it in a heartbeat.