Living with Alcoholism: Part Two

J tugs on my heartstrings like no one else can. He is a sweet, funny, and gentle person. He looks at me as his older sister and I certainly feel that way with the amount of love that I have for him. J inspires a level of protectiveness in this situation as he really never reacts to his dad like the others do. I feel that his feigned indifference is really a mask that covers a lost and confused young man. I don't know how to explain his sheltered innocence other than by simply stating that he doesn't act like other 14 year old boys. However, he is the only one in the family that has hope for D. He maintains that his relationship with his dad is good, but this is likely as his dad has always shown a preference to his youngest son. Overall, J's answers to my questionnaire were the hardest to read because of his silent pain to his dad's alcohol abuse.

1. Do you remember how old you were when you realized there was an alcohol problem?
Don't remember

2. What was your reaction?
Would not know. I don't remember.

3. What is your dad like when he's sober?
He's calm, doesn't swear.

4. What is your dad like when he's drunk?
He yells a lot, he swears too much.

5. Do you feel comfortable around him?
Yes but depends on the day

6. How did you feel whenever your dad went into detox?
I missed him and I couldn't wait to see my dad again

7. How did he treat you during his stays there?
He treated me like he missed me and could not wait to see me.

8. What was he like when he got out?
He was happy to see us.

9. How did you feel when he would start drinking again?
I was sad.

10. Has he ever lied to you in order to gain access to alcohol?
Maybe...can't remember.

11. Has he ever stolen money from you in order to gain access to alcohol?
Not so much stolen but has borrowed and never given back.

12. What's the worst thing he's ever done or said to you while intoxicated?
He swore at me and my brother.

13. Is it worse when he goes out drinking, when he's at home drinking, or it doesn't matter?
Doesn't matter he still ends up drinking and still ends up drunk

14. Have there been any better times, or on the opposite end, worse times than others?
Depending on the day it was pretty bad and on other days it was good.

15. Do you see him as a father?
I do see him as a father.

16. How would you describe your relationship with him?
My relationship with my father is good.

17. Does he affect your social life? If so, how?
Not very often. Maybe once or twice.

18. In what other ways do you think you and your family have been affected by his alcohol abuse?
We had less money because he keeps buying beer.

19. What have you done to try and help your dad?
I talked to him...I told him he didn't need beer.

20. Is he addicted to anything besides alcohol?
Not that I know of.

21. Do you ever see him sobering up?
Depends on the day...like today.

22. What would you like to see happen with him?
I would like to see him stop drinking and maybe have a drink on occasion.

23. Would you consider trying to fix your relationship if he did become sober?
Probably.

24. Will you cut him out of your life if he chooses not to sober up?
I would not cut him out of my life. I would hope he would sober up though.