Living Alone and Really Enjoying Life Independently

As we all mature, most of us develop better ideas of what we want in life and in relationships. As we pair up with those we love, our close relationships teach us how to co-exist with others and live with another person. For many people, marriage is a wonderful institution and it works well for them. That is wonderful, and commendable. Not everyone finds marriage to their liking, and - for one reason or another - end up single. So many people dread living alone, and are demoralized if, by divorce or death, their spouse is gone. As a divorcee myself, it is understandable, but there is another way to look at the situation. It doesn't have to be as horrible or scary as some make it out to be. Actually, my divorce is when I found myself, and began to really love life more than ever.

In society, some of us are more programmed, so to speak, to handle independence than others. Growing up as an only child, solitude was something that I always enjoyed. Back in the seventies my old-fashioned hometown of Chagrin Falls, Ohio was the perfect setting for a ten-year old child to walk home from school, so I did, every day. Being on the school bus with other kids was annoying and loud, instead it was great to stop across the street from school, grab a slushie drink at the local Quick Mart, and walk the two miles to my house in a quiet, suburban neighborhood. Being a detail thinker, I would look closely at the scenery as I walked and enjoy my surroundings. There was no danger, as crime was non-existent in our town, except for an occasional lawn ornament thief or tree being covered with toilet paper on Halloween. It was my time to unwind, have time to myself to think, and take a break from talking to other people.

Fast forward thirty four years to today. After years of dating, and one marriage that didn't work out, life is better than ever. Back in my twenties, being without a boyfriend was unheard of, and being social was the name of the game. It was fun to go out with friends, but my focus was on finding the right person to settle down with. After a full and successful singles life, my fiancé and I took the marriage plunge when I was 31. Soon, it became apparent that neither of us were right for one another. After awhile, I left and never looked back, because my husband became a substance abuser who wouldn't give up booze or women. He never gave up his hard-partying ways, and was out of the house more than he was home. It was a relief to be done with him and my father and I happily went out to lunch after my divorce hearing. It was a happy occasion, not at all depressing because it was the right thing to do, to let go of someone who was making my life unbearably bad.

Whether you've had a breakup or you've chosen to live alone, remember that freedom is a precious thing not to be given away lightly. Marriage is fine for those who enjoy it, but in my situation, it felt claustrophobic. Two years later, a boyfriend and I settled down together but didn't marry because neither of us wanted to. Our relationship looked like the picture-perfect one, but he had a bad temper and living with him became horrific. Making dinner for him every night and being the good, patient partner, I played the role of doting spouse, but I grew to hate him and left after two years of trying to make it work. It turned out that he'd been through a few failed marriages that he never told me about, which had ended due to his liaisons with other women during his many sales business trips. He expected everything in our home to be in a certain place, and wanted to control everything (with no luck). This time, I moved out and relocated to start over in a new state, happily alone.

Living alone was difficult at first financially, but after finding work and a lovely place to live and friends, everything fit into place nicely for me. It felt great buying the furniture I liked, and putting it wherever the heck I felt like putting it. Having breakfast for dinner, sleeping in, and being in charge of the remote control are pleasures that I'd been without for too long. Now, my living is better than it was when I was with a mate. Life is basically complete and getting better all the time.

Being single is what you make of it. If you plan to be miserable, you will be. If you're determined to succeed and let nobody or nothing stop you, then you will accomplish what you set out to do. The best way to accomplish things in general is to take each issue one at a time. This helps put the situation in manageable pieces instead of a large, overwhelming whole. Go with your gut. What is most important to you right now? Do you need to pay attention to living expenses, work issues or finding friends? Your life is your own, and it is important that you listen to your own needs, to help you to feel secure and comfortable. Be honest with yourself. What you want and what you need are two different things. I'd like a better car, but need to focus on my career first. Delaying wants is OK, because with hard work, you'll appreciate these items all the more later, when you're ready for them. Sit down and write out a list of priorities that are most important to you. Figure out long-term and short-term goals for yourself. Where do you see yourself in a year or five years? Put it all down on paper. Then use that list as a new beginning. One by one, work on each of your needs, and cross them off as they are accomplished. It feels good to meet goals and move on to the next one. In time, your confidence grows and so does your feelings of contentment. Don't be a hermit, get out and allow yourself to interact with others. Being independent doesn't mean being totally sealed off from the world.

By planning and working on what is important to you and keeping your mind busy, you'll develop your life in whatever way you see fit. If you want to meet someone new, then being confident and social may lead to a new relationship. If you enjoy being on your own like I do, then you'll work hard to fine tune and improve on different aspects of your world, to make it even better. You can do whatever you set your mind to do. If I want to travel, I grab friends and travel. If nobody is able to get away, I travel alone. Set your mind to whatever matters to you, and soon, you will find that loneliness, sadness and fear of being alone is replaced with a whole world of possibilities. Allow yourself to be happy, enthusiastic and to explore new things. We only have one life (as far as I know), so we might as well enjoy it to the fullest.