Living Alone - When Seniors Lose Their Spouses

Losing your lifetime mate. A little preparation can make this unbearable time a little easier.

Harry and Marge were together for 55 years. They lived on a farm where they raised their children and watched their grandchildren greet the world.

So many years shared. They didn't know where one left off and the one started. They knew each other like well-worn books.

Then the inevitable happened. Harry passed away. Marge was left with memories, a pain in her heart, and no clue as to how to live alone.

The following are things that did not work out well for Marge. Learn from their mistakes.

Harry, with loving intentions, had bought a house in a town where Marge had two sisters. His thinking was that she would move there and have them to comfort her after he passed.

Not a good idea. All of Marge's kids still lived near the farm where they were raised. But Marge, not wanting to change the plans that her dearly departed husband had made, moved.

Location is everything sometimes. And it was an obstacle to Marge's kids and grandkids. Most held jobs and the time it took to get to her house was a problem during the week.

The next hurdle for Marge? Harry had always taken care of all the bills, insurance, banking and overall paperwork. She didn't even know how to write out a check.

Again, out of love, Harry had inadvertently put another roadblock in Marge's path. She had to be taught to write out checks and a system of paying bills.

Friends were yet another loss for Marge. All of her friends for the last 50 plus years were still back home. At 76, making new friends would prove to be a challenge for this rather timid woman.

Her sisters tried to help integrate her into the community. But their friends were not her friends. It was evident that Marge was out of her element.

Driving became a very real problem. Once again, Harry had always driven. Marge had kept her license current, but did not have driving time. The family begged her to get a smaller car. She was bound and determined to keep the huge car Harry had driven. Marge continued to struggle.

She passed away nine years later. Quietly, gently, she was reunited with Harry.

No more worrying over whom to get to mow the lawn. Or how she would know when the shingles needed to be replaced. No more walking the floors when storms came and she was afraid.

Marge's family learned some hard lessons. They pass them to you.

If at all possible, the remaining spouse should not move from the place they call home. If they have to move, hopefully it is into a family members home.

Both spouses should know how to conduct the banking, write checks, and know where the lockbox keys are. Both should easily find all-important papers like wills and insurance.

If both spouses have valid drivers license, both should take turns driving. If one needs a smaller sized car, the larger should be replaced.

People going through great losses need time. Time to come to terms. Time to heal. It is a good idea if the remaining spouse does not make any life changing decisions until they are over the worst of their grieving.

It's a hard subject. Not just for seniors. But approaching our loved ones with this information may help them in the future.