Living with Anxiety

Medterms.com defines anxiety as a feeling of apprehension and fear characterized by physical symptoms such as palpitations, sweating, and feelings of stress. Anxiety is natural occurring bodily function. However it is how you respond to the reaction that determines what kind of life you lead.

I grew up in a home full of stress. There was never a lot of money, but we had everything we needed. My father was a rock. He never seemed to let things bother him. He worked hard to put food on the table and a roof over our head. My mother, on the other hand, worked even harder. I hardly remember a time when she did not work at least two jobs in addition to running the household. One thing she could not do effectively is manage stress.

My mother spent most of her life worrying about one thing or another. My grandmother was diagnosed with Tuberculosis when my mom was very young. She had to be placed in a sanatorium. My grandfather was unable to adequately care for the children. As a result my mother was moved around between grandparents and aunts and uncles. She never stayed in one place very long. She began to suffer from what doctors later diagnosed as anxiety attacks. When my grandmother was cured and came home, my mom did not know her. She was forced back into a family she knew little about. How devastating that must have been.

As the years went own and my mom started school her anxiety increased. My grandmother used to tell stories of how she would drop mom off at school and how mom would be back at home before grandmother. She just could not handle the stress of going to school. Her anxiety only got worse as she got older.

Her sister was raped as a teenager and this only added to an already stressful existence. My mother could no longer sleep at night out of fear that something like that could happen to her. She married my father when she was seventeen and her life seemed to take on new purpose. She had her own home and a steady job. However, it was not long before her anxiety attacks got worse.

I remember as a child seeing my mom taking these little pills. She called them nerve pills. They were actually Tranxene. According to drugs.com, "Tranxene belongs to a class of drugs known as benzodiazepines. It is used to treat anxiety disorders." I was an almost an adult when I realized how severe my mom's anxiety disorder was. One day while driving home from the grocery store she hit a man who was riding a bicycle. The accident was not her fault, but she would not drive a car for many years. She no longer takes medication, but she still suffers from anxiety. She can not drive a car out of town for fear of being in an accident, and she still suffers from palpitations and panic attacks as she calls them.

However, she is a true heroine. She survived breast cancer in 1996 and melanoma in 2005. Right now she is exhibiting more strength than most people could imagine. On December 31, 2008 my father was diagnosed with a rare brain disease, Progressive Supra-Nuclear Palsy (PSP). My mother has become the picture of strength through this difficult time. She takes care of him and feeds him and to the outside person you could not tell she still suffers from an anxiety disorder. She lets me know there is hope for people who suffer with anxiety.