Living with Anxiety

I was diagnosed with Chronic Anxiety Disorder in 2005. Before that, I wondered, worried and dreaded so many things there were times when I could not leave the house. After that, I spent 9 months on a variety of medications that alternately dumbed me down, drugged me up and knocked me out.

None of them did more than dull the edges, and then only slightly. I still had panic attacks. The "What if..." would spin around in my head until I couldn't see beyond it. Those blinders crippled me as a social creature.

To complicate matters, I'm also claustrophobic, agoraphobic and have a shade of paranoia with a dash of OCD to keep things lively.

I told my therapist at the time that I believed the only reason I was not a serial killer was the fear of losing my children. He added four pills to my round of drugs that day.

After awhile I got tired of being a zombie. I work full time and I have 4 kids, 2 of them teens. I had to be clear headed. So I stopped taking them. Instead, I used herbal replacements. Chamomile, Kava Kava root,Valerian and Damiana are just a few of the herbs that can soothe anxiety (Natural Herbs for Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks and Panic). There are times when I need an instant chill-down however, and that's when I reach for Xanax. Oddly enough, my gynecologist prescribed it.

My therapist had to write a letter for me to give to my HR department. I cannot have a seat in a high traffic area of the call center. If someone comes up behind me unexpectedly, I have what my therapist called an Exaggerated Startle Reflex. My Fight-or-Flight meter goes off the scale and I either stop breathing or lash out. So far, I've only had a few incidences, and nothing of a major nature. Most of my co-workers understand my condition and make sure to warn me when they're coming.

All in all, I'm dealing with my anxiety as it comes. I still worry about the entire worst case scenario What Ifs. Traffic, grocery shopping, gatherings can be difficult for me. Panic attacks have become rare because I try to make sure I know the situation before I get into it and take precautions beforehand. Between the herbs and the Xanax, I can function better now than I did on all the medications I was on before.