Living with Anxiety - My Personal Experience

I live with anxiety everyday. What is Anxiety? I define anxiety as when a person worries so much about something they start to develop real physical symptoms that could make you sick. When did I discover that I had anxiety? I am not really sure. I always was a quiet, shy, nervous child growing up. I never raised my hand is class. I just wanted to be invisible. I could remember as far back as elementary school the teacher would be doing a reading assignment. If I didn't know the answer to the questions I would raise my hand and ask to go the office so I could call my mom because I didn't feel good. I would go as far as having my mom leave work and come and get me pretending I was sick. I guess that is when I started having anxiety but was too young to understand what it was. Another terrible memory I have was summer sleep away camp. Boy did I hate that camp. My mom was a working mom and she would have no other choice but to send us away to sleep away camp for the entire summer. I can remember being in the bus almost at the camp and having an accident in my pants. I was so nervous about going I couldn't hold it in. I was only about 7 years old when this happened but I was mortified. I couldn't tell anyone what had happened so I took my underwear and out then in a brown bag and threw them in the woods. This couldn't be normal. But again, I was way too young too understand why I was feeling this way.

Things definitely haven't improved since I was a child. I still get these "panic attacks". These are when you get short of breath and start sweating, sometimes you will have to run to the bathroom. This is not a way to live your life. Junior High and High School were just as bad. Luckily I had grown up with great friends who made me feel so comfortable I didn't experience anxiety with them. College was great. I rarely had my anxiety attacks. I had a great boyfriend at the time (at least I thought, not so much). I was part of a sorority and had great friends. I think I started noticing my anxiety coming back when I started working. Ironically I decided to become a teacher. I have no idea why I picked this profession. I couldn't stand school when I was a child what in the world possessed me to pick this as my profession. So my anxiety came back and the panic attacks got worse. Whenever I had to set my alarm for work I dreaded it. I have been teaching 14 years now and I still experience this almost every morning. Not a way too live.

A few years back I had a medical situation that had me start seeing a Neurologist. Who would have known that this would help me overcome my anxiety. He told me I was way too stressed out and prescribed some medication that would help me through my panic attacks. I was only to take these meds when I needed them to get through the particular situation. So I filled the prescription and went home. I didn't want to take them but my husband said that is what they were there for. I finally gave in and took only a half of a dose. I can't believe how much calmer I felt. I was actually able to function normally. You have to be careful with these meds because you can get addicted. So I am really careful and only take a half when I need them. My life has gotten so much better. I feel so much more at ease with the stresses of everyday life.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel the twinges and twangs of anxiety and a panic attack coming on every now and then. First I do some breathing exercises to try to get through them but if that doesn't work, then I do take my meds. I can't thank the doctor enough for listening to me and helping me. I hope anyone reading this will go get themselves some help if they haven't already. I have dabbled in some yoga and some meditation too. It's hard to do that when you have a 2 year old boy running around your house.

Everyday is a challenge. I just take it day by day.