Living Between Two Worlds: Dealing with the Transition of Moving Home After College

Recently I've been attempting to deal with the violent transition between living in a dorm with roommates, papers, late nights, and a very independent, active existence to that of a practical hermit living at home and for all intensive purposes depending on my parents again. Before jumping full force into this discussion I would like to make one disclaimer. I am not an expert on this transition; in fact, I am still working through this. However, I am gaining some insights on dealing with this, and I am getting experience in working through it.

The most obvious hardship that one faces in moving back home is that of finding a job. The purpose of this article is not to give advice on finding a job as I am still in this search myself. However, finding a job differs depending on location and job industry. Whatever job you are searching for, remember that it is never what you know, but who you know that matters. Employers will be immersed in probably qualified candidates, but the personal touch will stand out to them. Don't get discouraged. It will take a while to find the right job, but it is worth the wait. Until you do find a job, the pressure of waiting and having no routine may start to take its toll. If it does, implement your own routine. Even if you are not employed you can still establish habits, routines, or patterns. Whether you go to lunch with a friend once a week or spend an hour taking a walk, make sure you have something that is yours and that is regular. It will help to dispel that unsettled feeling that comes with being uprooted from the life you adjusted to for 4 years.

Another issue that faces some graduates who move back home is the feeling of independence that can buck against being back under parental authority and supervision. While each household differs in its rules and leadership styles it can be hard for both graduates and parents to learn to function with a new set of rules. To make this new phase of life work will require patience and understanding on both sides. For the parents they are dealing with the same child they brought home from the hospital, the same child whose skinned knees required a kiss, and the same child they taught to walk. It's hard to change roles from the absolute authority in all matters to an advisor who gets consulted on occasion. It's hard to find the fine line between being helpful and being too involved. On the other side of things, it's just as difficult to be the child, trying to find independence and grow up while still feeling like a kid in some respects. After getting used to being treated like an adult, it's no small thing to try readjusting to living with parents. Though it can be a complicated process, it can also be a great jumping off point for the rest of your career and adult life.

One other thing that can become a problem if not handled well is a difference in expectations. Nothing is harder to deal with than a situation where expectations are not met because they are radically different on either side. If parents expect their child to move back in for only a few months and the child is expecting a few years or something more extended. Beyond time frame of the living arrangements, there are basic questions that should be addressed before moving day comes.

Sit down with your parents or children and discuss some basic details of living arrangements:
1. Financial Responsibility (Who pays for insurance? Do I pay rent? Will there be other unforeseen expenses to living at home?)
2. Household Responsibility (What is my role in the house? What housework should I be responsible for?)
3. Time Management (Are there any curfew expectations? Am I expected to be quiet after a certain time?)
4. General Expectations (How long will this arrangement be? What is the intended goal? What is the next step?)

Discussing these questions and others beforehand will prevent a myriad of misunderstandings and miscommunications in the long run. If each party enters the arrangement with patience and love it can be a very positive experience in moving to the next step beyond college into employment and the workforce. Though conflicts are inevitable when dealing with people, communication and mutual expectations will reduce the conflict and allow home to be a safe place to grow and mature into the adult you have always wanted to be.