Living with Bi-Polar Disorder

I always knew she was special, with her gray eyes and carefree approach. Rather sloppy about her young self. Every outfit resembled the last, dark pant- shirt and attitude. Stringing thoughts and phrases without caution. Flinging aggressive gestures at others without merit. Breaking rules and remaining fearless at all counts. On the run from simple daily tasks. Her mind recessed inward, never seeking future goals. It came as no surprise to me that a disorder has been occupying her brain waves, changing her life's journey.

The future doesn't exist in her mindless mind. She can't see past the morning light. Rising from the sheets is her biggest accomplishment of the day. Spending her nights in active sleep: visions and voices keep her in flight. Never resting her limbs or thoughts without company. The friends and foes who live in her head push her and scare her. They take her to places no child should ever go. She wants to sleep in peace, for just one night. She wants everyone to leave her alone. She wants to die.

Creating a safe haven in her bedroom closet leads to more madness and upset. She covers her dark eyes with her soft blanket to shield life from finding her. Depression sets in once again. It's so paralyzing, yet calming. She feels weak, meaningless- almost dead. Tears fill her soul, never to be seen on the outside. She doesn't know she is different, she has always been this way, with nothing to compare it to. She can't stop the process at will. She only knows it hurts to live. The pain is endless, every minute of every hour is a chore to ender.

Real people in her life just don't get it. They pity her and try to fix her, or they ignore her. She isn't sure which is worst. Some think she is a freak of nature, and they are afraid of her. She will never be what they want her to be, but she is what God wants her to be. Life is precious as we know it, now live it in despair and in the debts of darkness. Never to experience the joy of childhood, a prom date, driving your own car or appreciating every breath you take. She is someone's sister . She is human. She is alive. She was conceived in love. She will always be daddy's little girl. Hearts break when children are eaten up by strangers within. We feel helpless, hopeless, and alone. Bi Polar effects the whole family and so the cycle continues, without reason.

Her world is dark, very dark. Her world is empty. She could be you.