Living with Chronic Pain

Many people think of chronic pain as being associated with a particular physical condition or disease and in most cases this would be correct. Most of the time, chronic pain leads a physician to diagnose a medical problem--such as a fractured bone, bursitis, cancer, bone disease, or spinal stenosis, for example. But, not all chronic pain has a direct and diagnosable cause. Not every sufferer can discover the cause of her chronic pain, as strange as that may sound to some.

How do I know? I am one of the unfortunate sufferers without a medical diagnosis, without a known cause for my chronic pain. I do know how and when my pain began, but the doctors do not understand why it has progressed the way it has. Believe me, I wish I could get some kind of diagnosis-it would likely make things at least a little bit easier. But as it is, I just have to live with it, and it sure isn't easy.

So, what is it like to live with chronic pain? It is really kind of hard to describe, at least in my case, because it is different from day to day. Each day I get up in the morning, not knowing how much I am going to be hurting that day until I start moving around. Usually, my pain level depends upon the kinds of activities I did the day before, how well I slept, and what kinds of things I have to do that day. For instance, if I had to do a few loads of laundry the day before and then didn't sleep too well, I will be hurting more the next day than if I had a more relaxing day. But, regardless of my pain level for the day, I have to take my many medications.

The medications I take have changed over the years. When my pain first began (I fell down a flight of steps at home), I was simply taking some over-the-counter pain killers, like Tylenol. That lasted for a couple of days, until I decided the pain was too great and I headed to the hospital to get checked out-it turned out that I had fractured the very tip of my tailbone when I had fallen. The hospital gave me some Vicodin, told me to use some ice packs, and sent me on my way. At this time, I was working as an assistant manager at a busy drugstore, so I had to take a few days off from work.

The hospital doctor had assured me that the pain would take some time to fully go away, but that it would greatly lessen within a few days-that didn't happen for me. Instead, the pain remained rather steady. I had to go back to work, though, so I got another prescription for the Vicodin from my regular doctor and tried to go back to work.

But, I wasn't able to perform my job very well because of the pain. My doctor tried another prescription medication, Naprosin. This one didn't help any more than the Vicodin had. Eventually, the drugstore manager told me that I needed to leave my job and take the drugstore's disability, which would pay me a partial salary for six weeks. I had no choice, so I accepted.

To make a very long story shorter, I never was able to go back to work at the drugstore, because the pain never did get better-instead, it continued to get worse. My regular doctor tried a couple of other medications and she also tried sending me to physical therapy, all to no avail. Then, since she could find no way to help me, she sent me to a pain management doctor. This is the same doctor that I see today.

Since then, I have been sent to physical therapy twice more-it didn't help. I have also had CAT scans, MRI's, and bone density scans, none of which were conclusive. Some tests showed that I probably have a problem with certain discs in my spine, but nothing that can be fixed or helped with surgery. Another test showed that I might have a pinched nerve. Nothing is certain, so I don't have a diagnosis-none of the tests clearly show anything. So, according to my pain management doctor, I basically have to just manage the pain for the rest of my life. This is pretty depressing, since I am only 35 years old.

I used a TENS unit for a couple of years, but I can't use it any longer because my nerves have become too sensitive to it. (In case you aren't familiar, a TENS unit is a small electronic unit that has electrodes which you attach to your skin; the unit sends electronic pulses through the electrodes to the nerves to trick the nerves into not feeling pain.) I have also tried using pain patches, but for some reason, even the patches that are supposed to be guaranteed to adhere to everyone's skin will just not stick well to mine.

So, at the moment, I am pretty much reliant on my daily medications. I consider myself very lucky that I am able to get state Medicaid assistance, because without it there is no way I could afford these medicines. Currently, each day I take these medicines: Morphine Sulfate, Percocet, Nabumetone, and Topamax. I also have a prescription for Imitrex, which helps me when I get a migraine. I get one about once a week or so...even though the Topamax is supposed to help prevent them-the Topamax was actually prescribed to help with my pain, not with the migraines.

As I'm sure you can imagine all of these medications do have their side effects. Luckily, I don't suffer from most of them, but I do get hit with fatigue now and then. Just imagine-all of those medicines have tiredness as a side effect, and I take all of them daily, so it is no wonder I get fatigued easily. Another not-so-pleasant side effect is constipation. All strong pain medications can cause this, so I have to take a stool softener to thwart that.

There's another side effect that I suffer from, but it isn't a side effect from the medicine-it is more like a side effect from the chronic pain condition. It's depression. As I mentioned before, I am only 35 years old. It is quite depressing to know that at age 35 I am already stuck with a condition that will be with me for the rest of my life, especially one that causes me daily pain. Plus, this pain condition prevents me from doing a lot of the things I want to do, like things with my young children-I can't take them hiking or bike-riding, for instance. I do see a counselor who tries to assist me with my depression, but at the moment I am taking some medications to help me as well.

I have to try to plan out each of my days in advance so that I can make sure that I don't have too much to do on any one particular day. That means that I have to schedule doctor's appointments on days when I am not planning to do laundry and I have to schedule shopping on days when there is no event at my son's school.

Speaking of shopping, that is somewhat difficult for me. Since I cannot drive, I have to make sure that I schedule shopping when my sister can take me (my husband has no patience for shopping). And, I have to make sure that I shop at stores that have those drivable electronic carts. That isn't always so easy, though. Why? Well, if you just look at me, I don't seem as if I am disabled. I look like anyone else; you can't tell I have chronic pain just by looking at me. And, I'm young. So, I get some really strange looks from people when I am using one of the drivable carts-especially if there is an elderly person waiting for a cart. I've even had some people ask me what is wrong with me, as if they are thinking I shouldn't be using that cart. That is very frustrating. I believe those carts should be first-come, first-serve-nothing else.

As I mentioned before, there are a lot of things that I cannot do that I wish I could do, especially things with my children. I have had to adapt the way that I play with them-instead of playing outside together, we play a lot of board games and video games, for example. I also have to have assistance from my husband with a lot of household work (though I do have to nag at times).

There is a lot I wish I could change about my chronic pain condition. But, I do know that it could be a lot worse. My mother suffers from an unrelated chronic pain problem, and hers is much more severe than mine. I am very thankful that I can still function as much as I can and that I can take the medications to help me get through the days. Do I get mad that I have this problem? I used to. But now, I just try to look on the bright side of things, for the most part. Sure, I still get depressed, but I'm working on that. And, I'm only 35-I have a lot of years left in me, so maybe research will find a way to take care of my pain one of these years. I can hope, right?