Living with Death

Continuous anticipation of death, and the regret of past promiscuity leaves Jay Tupholme with a constant agonizing struggle due to AIDS.

Tupholme, 39 of London Ontario Canada, has been diagnosed with Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) and suffers through the daily emotional and physical stress that accompanies a person living with the disease.

Living in Vancouver British Columbia during his early twenties, Tupholme said he believes he contracted the virus while he was living a typical resort life, having fun and being promiscuous.

"I was young, dumb, and full of cum," Tupholme said. "My lifestyle included partying, working, and traveling. During that time, I was probably in the same boat as a lot of people, thinking that it wouldn't happen to me."

Tupholme said the moment of realization, when he was first diagnosed with HIV, was very grounding and that it really leveled him. Living with AIDS is something that is constantly on his mind.

"It's my first and last thought every day," Tupholme said. "I don't think as much, will I die from it? All the medical breakthroughs really help, but it is a rollercoaster ride."

When Tupholme was originally diagnosed with HIV, doctors informed him that he probably only had five years to live.

"I went through five years of crap, and didn't die," said Tupholme. "I have to accept it, but I do have a lot of anger towards myself. It is really scary."

Living with AIDS has completely changed himself as a person Tupholme said.

"I'm not the same Jay," Tupholme said. "I've definitely been changed. I feel it right down to my soul."

According to Tupholme, having a steady and significant relationship is nearly impossible, which has subsequently made him very lonely.

"I don't have the same confidence or spontaneity that I used to, it's not like I can do the regular thing and meet women at the grocery store," Tupholme said. "I've experienced some pretty nasty things with people. Lots of girls, when I tell them, say 'how dare you even talk to me'."

Medication and treatments for those living with AIDS costs approximately $1400 a month, according to Tupholme, who manages to meet the costs with social assistance pending disability.

"It isn't even worth me having a job, I just cannot afford the treatments," Tupholme said.

Tupholme said he is optimistic about all the medical breakthroughs regarding AIDS and the medication that is available in the present day is helping people with the disease.

"The retro-virus drugs are causing less complications and they are prolonging lives," Tupholme said.

In terms of education and awareness of AIDS, Tupholme said more work could still be done.

"Canada is not doing enough," Tupholme said. "High school and college students are the age group that are getting infected the most. People are just not clueing in."

Tupholme said the biggest advice he could give to students at Fanshawe College is to not be ignorant to the facts and protect yourself no matter what.

"You need to protect yourself every time, until you've completely settled down, and have been tested, have been educated, and have been tested a second time," Tupholme said.

"People have to be careful with booze, drugs, and partying. Don't be stupid. A lot of people hear that there are many medical breakthroughs so they don't protect themselves, but the fact remains that there is no cure."